😽 @ProbablyPayton

Attorney, elder emo, cat mom, keeper of ducks, moderate. Indycar Plus One. Big college football fan. SC Native ➡️ Midwest Princess 👑 instagram.com/probablypayton/ Driving Joined October 2009

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31K
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835
Following

864
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159K

😽 @ProbablyPayton

5 hours ago

"We're fixin' to fix it," and nothing was fixed 🤗

no context college football @nocontextcfb

8 hours ago

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😽 @ProbablyPayton

20 hours ago

Turn on @CollegeGameDay and the first thing I see is a shirtless Pat McAfee hugging Nick Saban. So once again, as a very aggressive and not at all friendly reminder:

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😽 @ProbablyPayton

2 days ago

Babe wake up, They clarified their previous comment

😽 @ProbablyPayton

2 days ago

Wake up babe, new excuse for being mid from Texas just dropped

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😽 @ProbablyPayton

2 days ago

Wake up babe, new excuse for being mid from Texas just dropped

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Jim Retarbaugh @QsamaBJohnston

2 days ago

Falcons better not get any ideas

The #Bears will give out fake mustaches to all fans Thursday night ahead of their game vs. the #Patriots as part of their plan to honor former player and coach Mike Ditka, who died earlier this month, per @Suntimes. Tonight is Chicago’s first home game since Ditka's passing.

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😽 @ProbablyPayton

4 days ago

NASCAR? Nah, that's VAXXCAR baby!!!! I'm seated, let's go racing boys 😂

Joseph Srigley @joe_srigley

4 days ago

#NASCAR... Kroger Health and Nuvaxovid (COVID-19 Vaccine, Adjuvanted) will sponsor Bubba Wallace and the No. 23 Toyota Camry XSE this weekend at Talladega. 📸: NASCAR Paint Scheme Preview

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😽 @ProbablyPayton

4 days ago

@importantelijah @McDonalds Now do @tacobell and ask for the quesarito back

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😽 @ProbablyPayton

5 days ago

Get a trust. There's a 5-year look back period. Put it in a trust. I know only about 50 people view my tweets on any given day, but here's my free legal advice as an attorney barred in three jurisdictions: put it in a trust today. Tomorrow is too late.

Leo @Leonajardinho

7 days ago

My coworker's mother passed away last November. She left her modest $190,000 house to him clear and free, no mortgage, completely paid off after thirty years of factory work. He moved into the home in January to finally settle the estate. Two weeks ago, a letter arrived from

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Anna @ArguablyAnna

a week ago

You know what weird millionaire vampire man, I appreciate that your special interest in your girlfriend’s pussy is probably going to lead to some of the only funded research of the female reproductive system in decades if not centuries.

New York Post @nypost

2 weeks ago

Bryan Johnson's girlfriend is tracking her own 'nighttime erections' - with a special 'techno tampon' trib.al/UE1hoYX

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😽 @ProbablyPayton

a week ago

I'm sick for IU right now. Marsh is gonna be beating himself up for that for the rest of his collegiate career 🥲

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B. Long @blong0108

a week ago

Going on ESPN and shoving it right to them about how bad this is is grade A work and I salute you 🫡

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💫🅰️♈️🆔 @ADavidHaleJoint

a week ago

The thing about 24 that bothers me most is… Who is this for? It’s not because TV was begging for it. ESPN had to be convinced. It’s not for a boatload of new cash. Losing conf champ games is gonna make this a minimal gain. It’s not because the 22nd team has any shot at a natty. It doesn’t. It’s certainly not done with the health, safety, or academic success of the players in mind since they don’t even get a say in this. It’s entirely to appease the people donating the money that keeps a financially irresponsible business model afloat. It’s discounting success so schools can say “look what your donation bought.” It’s an industry hellbent on treating investors and bosses as the customer, and customers as an infinite resource that will keep coming back no matter what.

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Paras Chopra @paraschopra

a week ago

This hacker news thread is absolutely heart-breaking. Whoever thinks “humans will find a way” ought I read it.

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inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa

a week ago

"Are you taking advantage of your employer 401k match" UH the employer should be taking advantage of my offer not to release sixty live frogs into the ventilation shaft

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K A C E Y @KaceyMusgraves

2 weeks ago

I don’t think you have a dog in this fight but if you did you would have shot it.

Kristi Noem @KristiNoem

2 weeks ago

I’ll take @ellalangleymsic over Kacey Musgraves any day. And if I’m choosin’ Texas, I’ll take Ken Paxton over James Talarico.

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Mike Nellis @MikeNellis

2 weeks ago

This is the greatest thing I've ever seen

Ryan Grim @ryangrim

2 weeks ago

Watch this to the end, you won’t regret it. This is what happens when you’re at happy hour and are reminded you agreed to do an interview about your race.

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chris evans @notcapnamerica

2 weeks ago

Yall wanna see a dead body? 😳

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CONSEQUENCE @consequence

2 weeks ago

Former Saturday Night Live host Dan Levy has called out Shane Gillis over remarks he made about women during his SNL opening monologue this past weekend. Levy specifically took issue with a portion of Gillis' monologue in which the comedian described going to the gym and observing that "women just dress like whores now." Responding in an Instagram Reel, Levy said: "Women wearing short shorts at the gym does not make them whores. It makes the men calling them whores misogynists. There's a difference there. By the way, I've seen more men's nipples at the gym than I've ever seen women showing their bodies off." "But I'm speechless that something like that can exist on live national television. And to be perfectly honest, more men need to be standing up in opposition to it because it's complacency that has created the environment in which women are sexually assaulted and it's a 'conversation' as opposed to a 'crime.'" "This is not a women's issue, this is an everybody issue. Because the more that men objectify women in the media, the more that other men see them as objects and treat them as objects. They are not objects. They are superior human beings to men, OK? And I'm sorry if this gets me in trouble with the internet, but fuck." consequence.net/2026/10/dan-le…

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Meg Brock @MegEBrock

2 weeks ago

The fact that a post encouraging marriage-minded young men to practice personal hygiene, hang out with girls, and be a gentleman has sent the far-right mansphere into a panic attack—tells you how radical its message is. It’s not normal. It’s not good for young men and women.

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🫧🦋 @tracey09_

3 weeks ago

Oh so, men don’t think consciousness is required for consent. LADIES IF YOU SEE A MAN NAPPING HIS WALLET IS YOURS. He doesn’t need to be awake to say yes!