Pony Express @RealPonyExpress
10 days to San Francisco! The mail must go through. Missouri 🐎 California Joined August 2020-
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The Pony Express is delighted to welcome the next speaker to the 2020 Equestrian Mail-and-Parcel Delivery Convention. Let's all give a big "giddy-up" to the President of the Glue Factory!
We have currently halted the practice of sending our ponies to the glue factory. Thank you for the feedback
You can't hobble our horses, Mr. President! The mail must go through
We've said it before and we'll say it again: if you want to stop the Pony Express, you're going to have to haunt the trail. Unfortunately it seems somebody (thing?) has taken us up on the challenge. Three more riders missing this afternoon. Screams echoing through the canyon
We run our ponies into the ground until they're nothing but skin and rotting bones, just to get your mail to San Francisco in 10 days or less. If God wants to stop us, let Him
The Pony Express takes accusations of mail tampering and parcel fiddling seriously. One of our riders found an envelope teeming with ice cold scorpions in his pouch this afternoon. They shrieked like banshees when he tried to burn them. Please share any information you have
One of our spry young riders hired a sporting lady in Ft. Churchill last night. Wailing heard for miles. Horses spooked. Room found empty. Air damp and cold. Sheets appeared scorched. Burnt letters fluttering out the window “He must have just got plumb wore out” - saloonkeeper
Did you know at our Reduced Rates you can post Letters weighing a half ounce or less for a mere $1? We don't deliver Infants or Fowl but we also don't ask
Blood on scrap of newsprint seen tumbling down Main Street in Carson. Appeared to be a Chicago Daily Journal. Still searching for missing riders. Some of our boys report hearing their own names echoing out of a cave. One heard the Wind whisper "you were warned"
We do NOT send horse thiefs to our slowpoke competitors' stables in the dead of night and spirit their mounts away to the glue factory. Sorry if you have heard otherwise. Onward!
Another riderless mount with red eyes spotted at Carson Station. Pony Express is a family. Many of our riders are bastards with no kin. If they are waylaid it we who miss them. It is we who mourn! Note: We do not pay Claims for untimely Death due to Trail mishap, orphan or not
You can't rustle our horses! We're the Pony Express!
No sign of the Missing Rider en route to Lake Tahoe. Lightning this afternoon but no Rain. Sky turned the color of rusted gunmetal. One of our riders coughed up something pitch black
Our riders are crack shots that can nab a jackalope in the dead of night from 400 yards. The mail must go through
Old fool with pitch black eyes wandered into our station in St. Joseph Missouri blowing his bellows about a Parcel that was never meant to be Sent. We ignored him! If your greenbacks are good, the Pony Express delivers
We are dispatching a team of limber orphan riders eastbound on our fittest mounts towards Roberts Creek to recover the mislaid Letters and Parcels. The mail must go through
We are aware of reports that a pale Pony with an empty Mail Pouch and no Rider came tearing into Sacramento Station at a canter this morning just before Dawn
Prospectors who have gone West to find their Fortune trust the Pony Express to post letters back home with Haste and Favor when they have struck Gold (or struck Out!)
Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows not over eighteen. Must be expert riders, willing to risk death daily. Orphans preferred. The Pony Express is the fastest mail in these United States
Our riders deliver letters to San Francisco in 10 days or less!
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