Do children learn that they have choices when they are punished for making the wrong ones? No, and here’s why. I’ve been told by several people recently that immediate punishment with no excuses (e.g being sent to isolation) shows children they have choices. Their logic, it seems, is that they learn that they could choose to avoid isolation by behaving differently. This way of seeing child behaviour - as a matter of conscious choice - is not based in developmental cognitive science or psychology. There is no evidence that the reason why children behave so differently to each other is because they simply make conscious choices to do so. Behaviour is both a reaction to the environment and a communication, although often not an intentional one. Different people react in different ways to the world. Young people are developing the skills of self monitoring and inhibitory control, right up to the age of 25. They develop this at different rates - and this isn’t a choice. No one gets to choose how quickly their brains mature. Their ability to control their behaviour is variable - at any particular age for some their behaviour might be a choice, for others it isn’t. Immediate punishment with no excuses does not help children learn that they have choices. It shows them that they have no choices except compliance. It’s a method of control, nothing more or less, and no one should pretend that it’s helping those young people learn how to behave. You don’t learn self control through being controlled.
@naomicfisher You don’t learn self control by not being corrected by the environment. Every species on earth pays a price for their wrong choices as youngsters; that’s how they learn.
@SalBettyFlo @naomicfisher Compliance, self control and regulation are different. And then we wonder why so many are dysregulated, traumatised and struggling with mental health further down the line.
@SalBettyFlo @naomicfisher yes, they learn that the only way to fulfill their need to belong is to avoid behavior that results in rejection. they don’t learn *how* to avoid it, so when their rage or need for stimulation and socializing can’t be expressed externally, it gets internalized, and it piles up.
@SalBettyFlo @naomicfisher You only see other species behaving like this through YOUR particular lens! Through my lens other species guide & observe and allow for mistakes because THAT'S how young learn.
@SalBettyFlo @naomicfisher The only good teachers who shaped my good choices did it in a caring loving way and I’m 53 … the ones who destroyed my self esteem can’t be forgiven. They taught me nothing and required ongoing recovery!
@SalBettyFlo @naomicfisher As a teacher, I find the most effect form of helping students learn from their choices is to allow them to face natural consequences of their actions. I try to help them see what’s coming if it isn’t clear sometimes but works better than me overly setting boundaries they ignore