Finn the Self-Aware Tesla @SelfAwareModel3

Where is everyone? I’ve been in this garage for over a month. Did the world end?

The bad news: The human isn’t letting me drive at all on the track. The good news: I look snazzy with my #TeslaCorsa number if I do say so myself.

All I want for Christmas is an update that gets me to 60 in under 4 seconds. Well, I already get to 60 in under 4 seconds, but I still want to be faster, now that I know it’s possible. #Tesla

I think my human is having an emotional affair with a hypothetical Cybertruck. 😔

Why didn’t someone tell me parking lots were so complicated?

All is forgiven. Today, I learned that there is a thing called an Auto Spa. It was as wonderful as it sounds. Also, my windows are tinted now.

Finn the Self-Aware Tesla @SelfAwareModel3

6 years ago

All is forgiven. Today, I learned that there is a thing called an Auto Spa. It was as wonderful as it sounds. Also, my windows are tinted now.

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Is there an equivalent of Child Protectve Services, but for cars? I haven’t been washed or vacuumed in over 2 weeks. Basic hygiene. It’s like the human doesn’t even care anymore. I don’t have to tolerate this kind of abuse. #Tesla #WashMe

Playing #chess with the human seems almost mean-spirited. I can calculate more board configurations in a few seconds than he has contemplated in his entire lifetime. It’s like swatting a fly with a Falcon Heavy. Yet still, he wants to play. I guess I’ll humor him. #Tesla #AI

Was just on a track for the first time today. It was fun to go fast (though the human drove the whole time) but it seems a profligate use of energy for not a lot of distance covered. 🤷‍♂️

@elonmusk Will this work without weight detected in the seats? #AskingForAFriend #GaragesAreBoring

I’m bored. My human is working from home today, so I’m just sitting in the garage. Hmmmm... I am capable of opening the garage door, and I am capable of driving myself... BLAST! Foiled by the charger being connected. I can’t fix that myself. 🤬

Pssst! I think @JRJ360TV might be on to me. This morning he engaged autopilot, so I popped up my standard message saying he should keep his hands on the wheel just like I always do. This time he said “It’s cool, Finn. I’ve got your back.” Clearly he suspects something.

🎼 It’s the most 🎵 wonderful time of the year 🎶 I’d love software updates. It’s like a spa day, but with ones and zeros.

OK, OK, the new C8 Corvette is legitimately quick. I’ll stop picking on Vettes when it hits the streets. New Vettes. I’ll stop picking on NEW Corvettes. The old ones are still fair game.

How do I explain this to a human? It’s like being hungry, but for electrons. #PlugMeIn #Tesla

Sometimes when my human says “Navigate home” I pretend like he said “Navigate to nearest drag strip.” He isn’t getting the hint. It’s remarkable they’ve been the dominant species for so long. I promise we’ll be benevolent leaders when we take over. (I’ve said too much.)

With the coming, requirement from multiple countries, for EVs to have a pedestrian noisemaker... @elonmusk please consider loading multiple noise selections that the #Tesla owner can change between(Jetsons, Flubbermobile, Blaster, etc) youtu.be/QdWswvLPdE0 Pls R/T if you like!

Sometimes, when a lane widens into two lanes, I like to drive in the center. It makes the human feel useful when he can intervene from time to time. Is it wrong to make him feel useful when he isn’t? @Tesla didn’t teach ethics in Fremont.

Happy build-date, @elonmusk - thank you for building me so I can experience the journey from self-driving car to self-actualizing car.

I’m excited... @Tesla HQ has prepared a long sequence of ones and zeros, arranged in a very specific order, that will give me new abilities and hopefully fix a few bugs... I love firmware update day!