N.J. Sewell-Rutter @SewellRutter
Classicist with interests in ancient literature. Tutor in several capacities. Oxford, England Joined May 2016-
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A classical education has made me discerning. In a seaside gift shop, I just walked straight past a souvenir cuckoo clock that chirps when you approach *without* buying it. If I hadn’t read Marcus Aurelius I should never have managed that.
Seaside holidays are always uplifting. Newly rejuvenated, I shall spend the time explaining to strangers that the agents of the State have confiscated my nostril clippers lest I get strawberry jam in the mechanism. #vigour #relaxation
I just asked Google if I am still alive: ‘Social media posts mention his plans for his fifties and recent experiences, which are inconsistent with reports of his death.’ Take that, naysayers…
The equinox stirs something primeval in the heart. I like to think the original builders of European henges spent this sacred day just as we do, i.e. explaining to strangers on trains that State-appointed carers have impounded our tea towels because we slept late this morning
At high-end tea parties one is generally safe from Concerned Citizens, who aren’t invited. Yesterday, however, as I was eating scones and discussing Linear B, I noted a sullen woman (a cleaner?) sitting nearby who was visibly on the point of mobilising social carers for me. :/
To paraphrase Augustine, a day when you have not Caused middle aged women Concern in a coffee shop is like a day without sunshine. A lady has just paused with her shortbread half-way to her mouth, such is her urgent need to make Calls and subject me to state-approved Procedures.
SR has just got through a family lunch without even once overturning the table and diving out of the window. I considered stabbing my hand in the hope that concerned strangers would take me to a place of safety, but survived by making myself look unthreatening and staring ahead.
Google insists that I am in Northampton. I state with very high confidence that I have never been near Northampton. Or have I been abducted, doped, and propped up in a café chair in central Northampton, far too out of it to realise that I am there?
The pleasures of middle-aged bachelorhood are often subtle. When, I ask, do married men ever have the leisure and headspace to go forth into the bars and pubs and shyly show strangers their very favourite box of coloured paperclips?
I wonder if German has a compound word for the unique sensation of rooting through a corner cupboard looking for a crystal tumbler that does *not* have someone else's sporting achievements engraved on it? Strangest moment of my afternoon...
I am spending cocktail hour alone today, and consequently have something cold at my elbow while watching a depraved looking man in a Santa hat tackling a chocolate-eating challenge. #elegance
I look forward to spending my fifties finding the perfect demented confidence to share with strangers in transport termini. A provisional effort: 'I used to fill my pockets with custard but then the State took control and now I sweep up in a tyre shop just out of town.'
An AI has just complimented me on my 'strategic mindset', which is perhaps flattering but not obviously true.
Though not all depraved people wear cagoules, it is impossible to wear one and look other than depraved. I have just seen a muttering deviant walk past, freshly cagouled, on his way to interfere with a capybara.
Once again I spent Monday morning in Leisured Bachelor mode. A magnificently Concerned Citizen staggered out of a bank and held my eyes opprobriously as she veered past. She will make Calls, and by nightfall they will have put me in some kind of supervised Unit for my safety.
My Weltanschauung fell off thirty years ago, almost to the day. I am now in my late forties. How shall I spend my fifties?
A taxi driver has just explained to me in detail that the Russians control the weather. #wisdom
Never suppose that middle-aged evenings are without passion and excitement. At 11pm local time I am watching a professional YouTuber with a large beard undertaking huge eating challenges.
Advice to the young from a fortysomething: Those who do *not* abruptly start screaming in a bus station and get carted away by muscular people under heavy sedation have not viewed human nature with a steady, honest gaze. #perspective
I can now report that misreading 'determined' as 'demented' makes obituaries much more fun.

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