The ConTexts @TheConTexts
Funny texts from a mom. (comic by @getbentsaggy) British Columbia Joined October 2015-
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Following57
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Hi! Don't know how I missed your call. Watching Straight Outta Compton. Very nice show. #StraightOuttaCompton #HoodMom #Movie #VeryNiceShow #MissedCall
Me: I showered and already in pj's haha Her: May as well go to Walmart then. Except you needn't have showered. Showering optional. #shower #pyjamas #pajamas #PeopleOfWalMart #showeringOptional
Angry Birds are dead to me. Not my proudest moment. Although I did ace every level. Fun while it lasted. Totally addictive and not exactly a productive use of time and energy. @AngryBirds #AngryBirds #addiction #addicted #pwned #ProudestMoment #DeadToMe #GamerGirl
One day long ago, Aunt called me at work to wish me a "Happy Flippin' Thursday. I thought it was so funny. And it's just flippin' instead of fricken or something like that. Just funny.
Happy Flippin' Thursday! 😁 #Thursday #flippinThursday #HappyThursday
Bad cherry farts. 🍒 #cherryfarts #fibre #fiber #cherrybomb #peristalsis #cramp #cramps #cherryseason #cherry #thetoots #gassy #farts #stinkyfarts #girlswhofart
Her: Cheeky monkey. 🐒 Me: Bum looker Her: Only if I can't possibly help it. @nbcsnl #cheekymonkey #bumlooker #cheeky #monkey #MikeMyers #Simon #drawings #drawrings #voyeur #peek
Me: Hi weiner Her: That always makes me laugh. It's sooo disrespectful but funny. #weiner #disrespect #respect #respectyourparents #respectyourmum #respectyourmom #respectyourmother #motherlover #namecalling #termsofendearment #urmom #yourmom
Me: Found you a new ringtone Mom: Oh my goodness!! How can that be??!! Did someone record Brother II?? zedge.net/ringtone/d98d4…… @FamilyGuyonFOX #FamilyGuy #Stewie #Mom #Mum #Mommy #Mummy #Parenting #youngestchild #persistence
On fornicating flies: Mum: Just got those fucking flies. Sucked them up with my vacuum. Every last filthy one of them. No match for me. Me: MUM! Mum: 'Tis only the truth, darling.....only the truth. Had to get the evil 2 backed monster. #beastwithtwobacks #Shakespeare
Phone is on rice so here are some bums that are well deserving of a mum's pinch. #curatorbattle #BestMuseumBum @YorkshireMuseum
IT’S TIME FOR #CURATORBATTLE!💥 Today’s theme is #BestMuseumBum! This cracking Roman marble statuette depicts an athlete at the peak of fitness! It may have decorated the town house of one of Eboracum’s wealthier residents. Has someone taken a bite out of this 🍑? BEAT THAT!💥
IT CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE. #mumquotes #momquotes #bigdickenergy #fatdickspirit #BDE #itcanhappenhere #itcanhappentoyou
Watching a show where Ian Harvey Hanomansing is a guest. He doesn't seem to get any worse looking, does he? He IS short though. "Harvey", LOL. #handsomemanthing #CBCNews #CBC #IanHandsomeManThing #babe @ianhanomansing @ianhanomansingh @handsomanthing @CBCTheNational
Sprout is newish. Trendy warehouse environment specializing in artisan breads, soups, tasty sandwiches. I know it's trendy by the fact that every second person was sporting a pair of #Blundstone boots. Even a child of 5 years of age. 👞👞 #sprout #cannerylane @DowntownKelowna
Winds from heaven can be heard... if we are quiet - Yusuf New Live Performance of #TheWind youtu.be/yXuq6XpoasE
On #RuthGoodman: Me: Can we be her friends and go on holiday with her? Her: I think so because I also have red hair. @BBCTwo #VictorianFarm @actonscottfarm @actonscottmuse @BBCtrending @AlexJLanglands #PeterGinn
On sitting in third row at the ballet: You'll be able to smell their sweaty feet. #Giselle #GreatRussianBallet #enpointe #ballet
Good for you! Going to respect and honour our vets. Dress warmly. Multiple layers. Watching the service right now. Joining you there. Wave if you see me. 👋❤🍁Always me weep. #RemembranceDay2018 #LestWeForget #Armistice100 #CanadaRemembers
We evacuated resident little brown bat from its roost in the top folds of the patio umbrella. Dismantled umbrella after he left for his evening soiree dining on insects. Nothing to come home to following his night of partying. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to dine out.🦇🌂😬 #bat
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