Turtles With Jokes @TurtlesWith
where all good jokes go to die and the bad ones to. we're not above a bad punchline. Joined September 2018-
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Do you remember ? #21stofseptember #MyTwitterAnniversary
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Horrible life pro tip. If you get 5 toes surgically attached to the end of your cock it will still be the same length but feel like a foot!
A colorblind chameleon would be really useless.
New kickstarter idea. Biodegradable election signs.
$1,000,000 but, randomly each day one of your bones will be missing. it comes back on the following day and another bone disappears.
New amazon service idea. Thry will hit you with a driverless car so you don't have to go to your next class
*At the funeral of a retired spanish to english dictionary editor.* Priest: would anyone like to come up? Me: "if you wouldn't mind I would like to say a few words" Leans Into microphone "plethora, gracias" Preist: "that means a lot, and thank you"
What if the only reason jellyfish have no bones is because they don't drink milk.
New cheese short movie idea "Swearwolves" It will be like any other werewolf movie but they've all got tourettes
If at first you don't succeed don't try again. Re evaluate your strategy, get some more study time in, then try again. You won't learn anything from failing multiple times in a row
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick when she asked for her chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
To me 9/11 jokes aren't funny The other 2/11 though, funny as hell
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