Commander Zander @_alexpear

Weird rogue planet alexpear.github.io Joined September 2016

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

This Twitter account had a years-long streak of good jokes every day, but is now taking a break! Thank you all for your smiles :)

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

The alphabet is trying to say HI but no one is listening.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Elector, elect thyself.

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Gnome brain: Ernie Macmillan is pompous. Centaur brain: Ernie is only pompous by the standards of Harry, a very informal young man. Hippogriff brain: Ernie is a allegory for Macmillan, a company that declined to publish Philosopher's Stone.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

The US Air Force is headquartered in Boulder, Colorado, because that is where its rival, the Coast Guard, has the least power.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

The SI unit of time is the second. Geologists think this is WAY TOO SHORT.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Tor avoids publishing novels in which the mentor or organizer of the story is secretly evil, because that would cut too close to the truth. Yes, i said it, Tor is run by shapeshifters!

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Time is a flat circle. Space is a wide box. The mind is paper folded into a aeroplane. Hunger is a real big zigzag.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Film content age restrictions: Scenes: 4+ Humor: 6+ Plot: 9+ Violence: 13+ Nudity: 18+ Divorce: 27+ Parenting: 41+ Aging: 61+ Jokes too funny for young people: 92+ Sagas of the valor of the Eldar: 138+

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

If computer programming had become popular a century earlier, computer instructions would be in Latin instead of English.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Elephants never forget. One of them once read a long list of bank credentials and is now the most wanted fraudster in any zoo.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

eyœnly, adj.: (of a word or phrase) being easier to write than to pronounce.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

A journey of a thousand miles begins for man, one giant leap for mankind.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Movies with heavy car symbolism: The Fast & the Furious Transformers Cars

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

If colors were dogs, we would call two dozen shades purebreds, and all other shades mutts.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

North and South are lines that terminate at the poles. East and West are circles. Northeast, Southeast, Southwest, and Northwest are spirals.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Solids love themselves. Liquids love everything beneath them. Gasses love everything around them.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Some people tweet this sort of thing.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Musical instruments don't speak English. Human voices can't make the sounds a piano can. Within each ballad, the two fight for superiority.

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Commander Zander @_alexpear

6 years ago

Satan: LORD, you take everything too seriously. The way the tsunami carries their little houses away is very funny! LORD: There is suffering here, Satan. To them, their houses represent their whole lives. [The two have a zany adventure] LORD: ... You're right, it is kinda funny.