James Stapleton @_james_s__

"Ohmygod Liz! We found Aspens other dog breed, she is African, she is African-American!" Hahaha my dad.

She kept searching and searching for her happiness, but finally realized it was here all along. She found it within herself.

Uh oh. I just found out kids under five don't understand sarcasm. This means my daughter actually believes she has a college fund.

Wow! Read the article in my last tweet! She registered on a dating site and look what happened when her friends found out :O so sad OMG! </3

It's really funny how you can drink coffee and clearly feel the psychological effects of caffeine yet no one demoralizes coffee drinkers.

Whenever I walk into Starbucks they think it's funny to tell me they've run out of iced coffee.

You ever try & throw a full coffee across a 3 lane highway but blast it off the inside of your friend's windshield instead? It's kinda funny

That elephant is going to be so sad when it's fully grown and 10k pounds and no one will hug it anymore. i.imgur.com/vHiAF3Q.jpg

Human brain says: 'Bright things must be in front'. imgur.com/tKb0s

Dreamt that I saw PARKLAND, except its plot was "What if JFK had never been shot?" He was still president! Patricia Clarkson played Jackie.

I miss my nerf war friends. You'd never know when you'd get shot. Those were the days.

I been shot at a few times, never been hit though. Thank God.

wasn't feimm the guy in SB's first bo2 killcam episode who hit the shot where he never jumped off.

To all the females who never gave ya boy a shot... Thanks... Your probably pregnant or fat lol.

They say "Lord of the Rings" , i hear it "Lord of the Wings".

When people say, "It's a small world" It's crazy how much this phrase rings true! Everybody knows everybody!

Reading tweets...cellphone rings.... WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO AGAIN? Say hello or goodbye? Cool, it stopped ringing. Back to reading tweets.

Where's your tweets now south? Any of your "hotter girl with championship rings" wanna say anything?

Managed to lose 2 of my 4 rings. Failed an AP Bio test. Completely bombed a Christ & Culture quiz. Yeah. You could say my day was horrible.

Time was you bought a Sylvania from Crazy Eddie's and what you had there was a quality color TV set. Now it's Sanyo this and Hitachi that.