Kim Roberts @_kimprobable

Phew thank god for words on clothes. Almost forgot to tax the rich AND peg the patriarchy this morning

It’s a long way to Tipperary if you wanna rock and roll

When Ed Sheehan runs out of mathematical operators to title his albums with we’re all safe to turn the radio back on

My biggest pet peeve is the fact that the most famous line from Lionel Richie’s Hello is the fourth line of the verse

Not looking forward to people being legally allowed to sit next to me on trains again

Housemates threw out my £500 set of speakers to the tip. Also, subway just accidentally gave me a foot long when I paid for a 6 inch. Net profit for today: -£495

Bus driver just gave me a free ride to town. Here comes longest cheers drive ever

Startup idea: a third type of peanut butter made from equal parts crunchy and smooth #startups

Started raining and for the first time ever I thought ‘the plants needed a good drink.’ This is what adulthood is, be warned

There needs to be a more consistent way of being able to cheers drive the train driver

In blissful disillusion that anyone cares, I share another album you won’t listen to to my Instagram story

Sources say that Matt Hancock wasn’t cheating on his wife, he was just testing his arms

Everyone secretly knows the community movie can’t possibly live up to the 6 years of hype and speculation but no one is talking about it

Yesterday I got ID’d for a red bull. How’s your hot boy summer going?

Good news for anyone who loves hearing Ed Sheeran everywhere always all of the time never stopping because he has a new song coming out

Lost my ID on game day, might listen to Sampson by Regina Spektor

You can tell the Y2K revival is real because people were doing lighter smileys in my pub today

Forgot I was working a wake today and put all my clothes on to wash. My only choice of clean tops are ‘steamed hams’ or a Jeremy Corbyn ‘viva la revolution’ top

Isn’t it so nice how dogs learn the words ‘I love you’? I say it when I kiss him on the head. Now when I say it he licks me on the face. I feel like he proper gets it and reciprocates. God I’m drunk and I love my dog

I have had both Misery Business and good 4 u stuck in my head for 2 weeks, thank you charts