Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

I will occasionally say stuff that will offend you. Canada Joined July 2011
  • Tweets
    775
  • Followers
    140
  • Following
    195
  • Likes
    415
Allan Umpherville retweeted
bowflecks2 Profile Picture

Dylan Flecknor @bowflecks2

10 years ago

Seperated at birth? #joe #marve

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

I like to flick boogers from the top row at movie theaters.

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

When my girlfriend pisses me off, I put the Saran Wrap as high as possible in the cupboard so she struggles to reach it. #kitchen #justice

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Now I've seen it all. Some girl in a wheelchair just won a treadmill on The Price Is Right...

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Great. My girlfriend decided she wants to start golfing. The one fucking thing I had is now gone.

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

*at Applebee's* "I'm all about that steak, bout' that steak, no taters" *throws mashed potatoes across the restaurant*

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

More of Mexican Willem Dafoe. Why, you ask? Because nobody needs a reason for more Willem Dafoe.

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

If I could be Willem Dafoe for one day, I would be Mexican Willem Dafoe from Once Upon A Time In Mexico.

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

I can hardly wait for golfing season so I can fill so many holes with my tiny white balls. #sports

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Maybe when I go to Mexico, my girlfriend will be on her period and will get eaten by a shark! #prayers

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Do deaf people know they talk like that? I mean, they're deaf, but can they hear themselves? #science

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Power was out. Phone was down to 3%. You don't even know the level of panic that was setting in. I just about had to read a book. *shivers*

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Putting Todd Frazier in the MLB home run derby must have been some kind of fucking joke.

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

>>>>> ripping farts in an elevator 😍😍

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

A logbook just to keep track of my boners during the day.

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Everytime my girlfriend makes me a sandwich I feel pride knowing that it's a victory for men everywhere. #sandwich #win

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Like seriously. How poor does my girlfriend want me to look? #canteven

_mr_bum Profile Picture

Allan Umpherville @_mr_bum

11 years ago

Thanks to eating pudding cups with no spoon, my cunnilingus skills have skyrocketed.

Trends for United States

Chapman
8.272 posts
Yankees
67,6 B posts
Boone
12,7 B posts
#DWTS
9.823 posts
Fried
32,4 B posts
Weaver
9.371 posts
Crochet
21,6 B posts
Bregman
6.340 posts
#WWENXT
10,1 B posts
Volpe
11 B posts
Cora
8.102 posts
Stanton
3.448 posts
#RepBX
12,2 B posts
Yoshida
8.521 posts
#DWCS
1.544 posts
#DirtyWater
2.714 posts
WNBA
64,5 B posts
Sora 2
17,1 B posts
Whitney
12,8 B posts
LeBron
69,1 B posts

You might like

5’5” vegan, vaccinated, world leader in virtue signalling, willing government slave, WEF puppet
Drew Paskell
@drewpask
144 Followers
could be worse
dylan
@danieldylanson
448 Followers