Hannah @_muser_forever

35 years old 😩 Muser.Also love: Derren Brown,Bastille,Starset,SIO, & Dylan (female singer)!! 😄 Disney,Impractical Jokers,Marvel,animals. Concerts,films,& TV ❤ instagram.com/hannah_banana.… In a dreamland forever Museing Joined January 2012

Tweets

28K
Followers

369
Following

663
Likes

24K

Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

2 months ago

I'm very much anti-AI. But Photoshop have added some AI-enhanced features that have made a few tasks - and thus my job - a bit easier: background removal and upscaling small images. I try to convince myself this is a different AI to the plagiarism machines that I hate.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

a month ago

When I visit friends or neighbours and I'm left alone in the living room, I look for the sky remote control and series link record as many programmes as I can. I've no idea why I get this urge and have no control over it.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

a month ago

My wife volunteered me to make a cake in the shape of a badger for a wildlife trust event, for their 'guess the weight of the cake' contest. I made it as a fruit cake. My parents went to the event, I told my Mum that I had made a fruit cake. No one else knew. My Mum won the cake

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

a month ago

I recently needed to buy something that was 90p but had a £4.99 delivery fee. I bought 56 of them to get over the £50 order for free delivery.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

a month ago

During hot spells when it's still roasting at night, I go to bed first and lie on my wife's side of the bed reading or on my phone. When I hear her getting ready to come to bed, I smooth out her side and move to my side which still has cool sheets and pillows.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

a month ago

When I get fed up of watching kids cartoons for my 3 yo I put South Park on. I enjoying my program, he thinks it's a fun cartoon. Everyone's a winner.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

a month ago

My partner chats to a therapist online. I secretly listen in. It started out from a place of jealousy and insecurity that they would badmouth me, but it's actually turned educational. I've learned a lot about them and think it's made me a better partner.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

a month ago

In thirty years being an adult I've never kept buttons that come with shirts and jackets and never replaced a button on a shirt or jacket. Who bothers with this?

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Charmed_Reunion @Charmed_Reunion

2 months ago

Holly Marie Combs says in House of Halliwell podcast that she found out about Julian McMahon from Rose McGowan who texted her: “omg. Julian.” Holly replied with a “?” And then Rose called her. 💔

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WeRateDogs @dog_rates

2 months ago

This is Ziggy. She already told her son Zeus to stop doing that with your shoe, but he won't stop. Not sure what to do now. 12/10 requesting backpup

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Jeremiah Johnson 🌐 @JeremiahDJohns

3 months ago

One of my all-time favorite type of videos is pre-fame bands playing their extremely famous songs to a tiny room of people, because they're not yet known. A thread of some examples: Bastille playing Pompeii in what looks like someone's living room:

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

I might have to leave my girlfriend if she keeps calling YouTube The Tube of You", and Facebook "The Book of Faces".

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

Pretended I hadn't seen a WhatsApp from my sister asking me to look after niece and nephew. She then said her husband was getting home earlier than expected so wasn't needed anymore. I replied that I could do it then acted like I'd just seen that I wasn't needed.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

Ever noticed your McDonald's order says it's ready on the screen long before it's actually ready? This is to improve the wait time stats of the store. It so widespread that we couldn't stop doing this or we'd be penalised for taking longer than others

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

I once went to the local DIY store unintended dressed in a very similar outfit to the staff. Some random guy asked me about a specific cleaning task so I took him to the correct isle, asked him some questions and recommended various products. I'm tempted to do it again on purpose

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

My wife hasn't realised that any time i have to tell her bad news or have a difficult conversation, I always do it the day after her weekend yoga trips. She goes on these regularly with a bloke from work. She comes back super chilled and therefore less likely to argue.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

I have stolen my neighbours cat. I have no idea whose cat it is but I started feeding her about a year ago and she's in the house every day and in the evenings she sleeps here. She has a bed, toys and scratch post. I must offer a better service.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

My ex passed away last year, I found out a month later. Ever since I have been going to his then girlfriends social media accounts everyday because she's my last connection to him, it's now become an obsession. We've never met and I had to make a spam account to do it.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

Fess on behalf of wife's family: they're all funeral fans. When they hear someone's died they'll dig deep to find a reason to go to the funeral; they know the deceased's cleaners cousin? Yep, that means we're "friends and family" so they go. It's deeply fucking weird.

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Fesshole🧻 @fesshole

4 months ago

I work in a lab, and I caught myself wondering what happens if - instead of stirring my coffee - I instead hold the spoon still and move the mug in increasingly larger circles. Result: Ruined keyboard.