An RPG @campaignwhereu
How about an RPG campaign where you... Joined March 2015-
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Will either abandon (or move?) this account because what the hell is happening with this site
Shrink! You're tiny! The mage responsible watches you all struggle against a handful of ants and laughs so hard and so long that he drops dead. Now you'll have to break out of the lab and collect the cure's reagents from the garden. This will take you several months
Lost. This has happened before. You all die ignobly, powerless against the coalition of your foes... and then your Other Selves enter the scene. Are they evil? Are they noble? Who cares, they're much higher level. Roll the dice and kick some ass and then we'll figure it all out
Sit through the monologue. The High Mage is saying you're all going to suffer incomprehensible pain. He would've been right a couple of arcs ago but you did all this out of order and now the party has grossly out-levelled him. He's more a Slightly Above Median Mage to you all now
Have, after a great deal of thought, determined that the aliens in the wormhole are not in fact acasual, atemporal beings. That's a mere excuse. It's not that they don't understand your existence they're simply bored by you. They're inconsiderate jerks who can't keep appointments
Resist the invasion. It might seem like everyone is doomed considering the sheer scale of the enemy's horde but the death of your world is not inevitable. The people killing it have true names and home planes
Destroy the traps. If we're being honest with ourselves, the ancients were clearly deranged. It is not appropriate for a trapdoor to plunge a trespassing child into a maze of whirling blades. Who installed this shit. This is why we have guilds now, they had no standards back then
Frustrate the Overlord. The prophecy says the party will kill him: and there's no way around it. But he'll be damned if he's going to be offed by a bunch of useless fucking nobodies. You're going to do jobs for him until you're the absolute best. THEN you can try your luck
Escape from the underwater prison! Technically you should be drowning right now but eh, we'll let that slide because you had such a kickass escape sequence. However the moment your antics become rote I will rescind the breathing exception. So you had better stay entertaining
Assist the skeletons. Nobody takes them seriously, not even their necromancers. They're passionately defending their right to dignity when one of them trips: they all come crashing down with a noise like cascading bowling pins. A skull sadly continues the speech as it rolls away
Follow around the Steel Ambassador. He's a huge automaton, forged with iron and magic, and you have to keep him topped up with coal while he talks about the importance of protecting the environment (from the pious jerks who won't let the Unificated Imperium open more mines)
Had enough of the bard libel. The lies. The disrespect. Bards are the heart and soul of any party! So dozens have walked away from their teams and have congregated in the capital's square; chanting slogans, waving banners, singing, being pains in the ass, being annoying, sucking,
Wanted to watch the fireworks. So you stranded the Borg Cube in Gamma Quadrant. A little later, Q is the only thing standing between the galaxy and annihilation at the hands of the new Link-Collective. He's laughing too hard to hear your pleas but you did bring this on yourselves
Slip into a mirror universe. It's the third or fourth time this has happened. Anyway as usual your mirror selves are evil. And, without exception, they're sexier than you are. I don't get it either but it's an ironclad law of the multiverse. Now ham it up as your mirror selves
Should stop assuming every faction is villainous just because their name sounds a little ominous. I'll accept that the likes of the Basalt Fist and Iron Cabal might give you cause for alarm but the Happy Butterflies? They're just a harmless eco charity staffed by killer vampires
Settle the argument about the real inheritors of humanity's legacy: nobody. Humans are an entirely fictional construct invented by an ancient bard about fifty thousand years ago. But please, break the news gently. We already had four galactic wars and a fifth would be pushing it
Shroud yourselves. Your telepathy is so mighty that you can selectively edit a witness's thoughts and memories, becoming truly imperceptible. Anyway! Next room has an artillery mech in it. It has no brain as such and sees in infrared. I did say that you shouldn't ALL play psions
Forgot to do anything for April Fools which is just as well because last time you horrible monsters said things like "oh this idea is actually really good, unlike the usual shit with a dragon and two whole orcs"
Experience the combat, exploration, and social pillars! Yes they're actual physical stone pillars, holding up the temple roof. You have to fight one, find the one that's hiding, and then persuade the last one into believing that this isn't a dreadful waste of everyone's time
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@campaignwhereu Is everything all right? You've hardly touched your plot hook.
@campaignwhereu You failed to discover perhaps the most important one which your colleagues readily used to their advantage, the element of surprise.
@campaignwhereu Find yourself reconsidering the authorities' position when they latch onto the notion & point out that your 'place of worship' would be tax exempt. Would make it much cheaper to maintain a base of operations.. The rogues eyes are already gleaming. The cleric looks uncomfortable.
@CoyoteTraveller @campaignwhereu I've seen a game on social media called "Why do we even HAVE that lever?" which challenges people to think of explanations for dungeon traps that aren't "it's a trap". "Why do they have a lever that drops people into a crocodile pit?" "It was a garbage chute. Crocs came later."
@campaignwhereu I'd love to see a compilation of this from peoples' campaigns. This law is the thesis of mine! Last megadungeon was a running siege in the research compound of a long-dead archmage, who used souls as batteries ~1800 years ago. You know how batteries start to leak over time? Yeah
@campaignwhereu I swear if constructing one requires special punching or spiky crates I'm leaving the lesson on hit boxes and hurt boxes behind.
@fiddlecub @campaignwhereu I came up with it just now because I was thinking about the moon having a doppelganger and how doppelgangers often seek to replace the person they're copying but also not having any hands so it needs your help to kill the other moon
@docsquiddy I feel like @campaignwhereu must have suggested this one at *some* point.
No one cares that your game has 13 months in a year or that there's a second moon unless the story is like "another moon showed up six months ago and it's been telling me to kill the original moon..." And then immediately your story is intriguing
@campaignwhereu distributed denial of sorcery attacks are really a blight on casters everywhere. wouldn't be surprised if there were some scientists somewhere trying to make a point
@campaignwhereu Buyer is expecting delivery soon, no time to hire off-world mercs. What? Says he can offer the display pieces he has with him & rattles off strange words. The heck is a phased pulse disruptor? He sighs shows you a floating image of the same sort of gear the Super Kings are using.
@campaignwhereu Succeed. Then are humiliated even worse. How can their oversized wands and armor still function? They have your defeat projected into the sky for all to see. Afterward you are approached by a stranger looking to hire "locals" to reclaim the arms cache he hid "on this backwater".
@campaignwhereu and your party discover that the best selling home assistant robots on the market are actually just necromantically reanimated skeletons wrapped in a load of impressive looking but ultimately useless warranty sealed tech gubbins
@campaignwhereu I have the perfect spell for just such an occasion: x.com/dungeonfacts/s…
Neutralize Poisson: Render all fish in the casting range totally harmless. #fakedndspells
@campaignwhereu 3rd act twist: each one you kill precedes the arrival of five more claimants. Copycats? Or is the emperor’s soul some kind of reincarnation hydra?
Yay! @charm__person - Paladin @campaignwhereu - Ranger @IWriteMonsters - Wizard @BillCoberly - Bard @65thvictor - Sorcerer (but jealous of the ranger) @hottestsingles - Druid (so much carrion) @TheElderMemes - Monk (TES Hand to Hand skill sucks) @alexiskennedy - Barbarian (irony)
@campaignwhereu Tired: Sword in the Stone Wired: Crown in the Cube
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