Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken
Thank you Twitter for giving me a home for all my stupidest thoughts. ChrisBjerken.com Vancouver, WA Joined September 2015-
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A dream is a shit your heart takes. #inspiration
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I don't have a single Ruth. I'm freaking ruthless.
Fathers don't name babies and the proof is that you've never met anyone named "Bacon".
Note to self: write a Dexter parody where instead of a "dark passenger" there's a "distant cousin."
Meet my gold-capped teeth rapper butler: Grilled Jeeves
Note to self: throw a vegan music festival called "Rockamole." 🥑🎸
I think the person who came up with the word "weirdo" was actually one because who just sticks an "o" at the end of an adjective to describe someone? Like I'm a white man, but I don't see people on the street saying "look at that white-o" or "did you see that man-o?"
...so I kicked that squirrel right in the nuts.
I don't understand the term "catcalling." I never witnessed anyone whistle at a cat and say "now that's a hot cat."
Allergic to cats? Get a hairless one and glue a wig on it.
Note to self: start a hair metal band for kids named "The Scorplings."
Note to self: start a nerd rock band named "Violent Sigh."
If you go to most Oregon ponds, you will see ducks swimming and living in tranquility. And I mean football players.
Want to mess with your local grocery store? Buy a package of raw meat, cook it, put it back in the package, then return it and tell them it came out of the package that way.
Note to self: write a screenplay in a political horror named "Night Mayor."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Doctors are terrified of apples.
I genuinely feel like this is going to be the summer I turn pretty.
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AmericanCraftExports @ACExports
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16K Followers 711 Following Brew beer. Drink beer. Have fun doing it. Drink responsibly. Must be 21+ to follow & share. https://t.co/z39nsCtFEx
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