comedytext @comedytext
Follow me for tweets that will relate to your life 100% ! Stay retweeting♥ Bikini Bottom Joined January 2013-
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Followers315
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"I'm a wizard!" "Prove it" "Sorry no magic outside Hogwarts."
I hate it when people say, "You tweet too much!" Like b*tch, that's what Twitter is for.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Who needs friends when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
I hate it when the shower only has 2 options: 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in fucking Antarctica.
2 Chainz: "She got a big booty so I call her big booty" Me: *wipes tear* That was some deep shit, man.
if i dont text back its because i replied in my mind but was too lazy to physically reply and im really sorry im the worst kind of person
accidentally sending ;) instead of :) and feeling like you've just offered them your body
whenever u feel sad just remember that there are billions of cells in ur body and all they care about is u
It's all fun and games until you remember the person you were from 2007-2010
Saying "Beer can" with a British accent sounds like "Bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
What has 2 wings and a halo? Did you say angel? WRONG! Its a chinese phone. *Wing Wing* "Halo?"
I'm sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch, I honestly thought you knew.
The nicer you are, the easier you're hurt. So just be a bitch.
I have to admit, God was just showing off when he created me
*Turns on radio* "Shine bright like a-" *Turns off radio*
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