Andy Bates @dandyb8s

Ineligible Bachelor Birmingham, AL - USA Joined June 2009

Tweets

456
Followers

127
Following

227
Likes

462

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

4 years ago

There is NO reason to be knocking hard on someone's door in 2022. If you can't text/call someone inside to let you in, you shouldn't get in. If they're ignoring you deliberately, having a hand tantrum isn't likely to change that.

0 1 2 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

4 years ago

Me to my new psychiatrist: Sure, I like a bit of weed now and again, but I'm not, like, an "actual stoner." Me 4 hours later: Oh, shit, what is this? A Lady Gaga club mix from 2008? Well, I suppose just one couldn't hurt.

0 0 0 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

4 years ago

Teachers: If you can't spell or write well, you won't go far professionally. The Boss's Emails: hey can yu work satruday good?

0 1 4 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

4 years ago

A while back I saw articles about how conservative young men complain they can't find like-minded young women to date them but. Like. Have you seen Bumble?

0 0 0 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

4 years ago

I've spent the day playing "Back to the Future." It's where I use the Magic Eraser feature on Google Photos to pretend I never existed.

0 0 0 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

4 years ago

A praying mantis is I can handle, but listen to how this preaching mantis carried on as I tried to do work training. Like, chill, bud.

0 0 0 0 1

Download Video

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

4 years ago

I had a customer compliment my suit, feel it, ask if I got a lot of women, ask if I was a ladies man, and then ask if I was in the Klan.

0 1 3 0 0

Download Gif

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

Why won't @tacobell sell me custom-message hot sauce packets for my Gen Z rehearsal dinner?

0 0 0 0 0

The Free-Market Progressive 🌐 @FreeMarktProg

5 years ago

0 2 9 0 0

Download Image

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

Whenever I do the dishes, I end up having to repeatedly move the cat out of the sink in my big yellow gloves. Starting to feel like the world's most jaded obstetrician.

0 0 0 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

Tbh I think my best feature is probably my taste level 💅

0 0 0 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

Biggest question hanging over tonight: will @CasualThursday get "Election Night Sex?"

0 0 1 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

Did y’all know: In strikethrough text, € V ER¥ £€TTE R I$ A MON€¥.

0 0 0 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

What I want to know is what will Joe Biden do in our bathroom, number one. And number two.

0 1 0 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

My weather app says it feels like 69. I think that's an exaggeration, but it does feel pretty damn good.

0 0 3 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

Me: Alright, Mr. Smith, how can I help you? Assholes: It's Dr. Smith. Me: *Immediately removes pants* Me: Is this where I turn my head and cough?

0 0 1 0 0

Andy Bates @dandyb8s

5 years ago

Ok, Google, how can I update my voter registration? "Ok, Andrew. I have updated your registration. You can legally vote." 😷 Ya know what, fine. Fuckin. Thanks, Google.