𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

tw ed she/her • 25 Joined November 2013

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

a year ago

being 25 on here is actually borderline humiliation at this point

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still fucking insane. ate on half of the days last week. huge drug fuelled weekend where I didn’t eat and now it’s a struggle when I do. trying to nourish myself at least once every 2 days but it makes me feel physically ill

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

a year ago

this week I’ve had more calories from alcohol than food. I’ve eaten like 4 meals lmao

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

a year ago

in worse news work think im fuckng mental and im being referred for an assessment. starting therapy again agin again again again again too

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

a year ago

well I didn’t eat all day but I did drink 4 pints

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

a year ago

spiralling so much. feels like summer 2021 again, replacing most food with cigs and alcohol, manic behaviour and intense anxiety. not sure how I will get through all this now I have a job and responsibilities

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

also the trip cbd drinks kinda slap. 19 cals and I am relaxed and buzzy, nice

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

gone back to my old ways, cig and a cocktail for dinner lol

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

and now I’m like 4/5kg from where I wanna be again. it literally never ends, I am 25 and have had these problems since forever and started restricting at 12. it’s very tiring

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

so wild to go back through this account. it’s kinda been my diary during some of the lowest periods of my life. and so wild I had a tweet from feb 2021 being like “2kg from gw” and then I was way way lower by June and was never on this app lol. gained it all (4kg) back tho lol

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

I have 8 weeks til a big event so let’s see how much I can lose before it

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

anyway I ate 1010 cals today and apparently burned 450 but I am miserable at work

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

also small life update kinda quitting alcohol / reducing in take and desperately trying not to smoke. currently manifesting itself by me avoiding all social interactions! nice one

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

25 years old and i am still here 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 come onnnnnn girl

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

hoping to lose the final 3kg over the next few months before i see asian side of my family. small amount but mostly maintaining these days so expecting slow and gradual. maybe im not rlly anorexic any more lol

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

genuinely just been eating 2-3 normal meals a day and being semi active and tbh this is much more sustainable. my ed thoughts will never truly leave me but im a grown ass woman with a career going well, i can’t only consume the calories needed to sustain a toddler any more

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

not even really been fully restricting recently but i’ve lost quite a bit 😛

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𝒉𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍 @designerkcal

2 years ago

had to take some time away from here for various reasons but got some mad stomach pains atm which are annoying but also amazing for restriction bc i physically can’t eat that much