00🎱 @draftdayburner
delusional & deranged degenerate in the running for DOAT (drunkest of all time) Joined June 2022-
Tweets23
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Followers12
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Following24
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Likes6
The Olympics would be so much more fun to watch if instead of just men and womens events they had a 3rd category: drunk. “Next up on ESPN, drunk synchronized diving”
New in flight entertainment just dropped: me killing myself in front of the economy passengers on our 9hr flight
Nobody will remember - your salary - if your family was proud of you - your contributions to society They will remember - that one time I fell asleep in the pool after banging an 8 ball and deleting 30 beers
Insider sources are telling me that I will be smoking a whole pack of cigs tonight
One thing you should know about me is if Bovada has anything with odds over +3000 I will take it. I don’t care what it is. It could be “will humanity colonize Saturn by the end of the year” at +5,000 and I will absolutely house it
If I don’t get a coffee I will kill myself If I do get a coffee I will shit myself
Reading her a bed time story and it’s just my unedited my drafts
Spending the summer in Italy and eating coffee + a few cigs for breakfast has helped me understand how Michelangelo became so great. When that combo hits I become a painter myself, some might say a generational talent
Mom, god chose to give your little man his toughest battles (not getting some premium dome as a reward for waking up before 9am today). Start preparing to no longer have a little man
Not having AC isn’t as bad as you would think. Yes I am disgustingly hot but she hasn’t worn a shirt in like 4 days so
My first three moves as president 1. Legalize cocaine 2. Legalize drunk driving (only if your having fun though) 3. Appointment someone else
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