єℓαιηє @elainesim28

ℓαυgнтєя ιѕ тнє вєѕт мє∂ι¢ιηє. σя ωιηє….ιт мιgнт вє ωιηє 🍷 Dublin Ireland🇮🇪 Joined April 2014

Tweets

15K
Followers

9K
Following

4K
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40K

єℓαιηє @elainesim28

8 hours ago

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a rise… My boss asked “what companies? ” Me: Gas, electricity and water!!!

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

a day ago

Being kissed while you’re asleep is one of the purest forms of love ❤️ Unless you’re in prison…

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

2 days ago

Went swimming yesterday. Took a pee in the deep end. Lifeguard noticed. Blew his fcuking whistle so loud I almost fell in!

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

3 days ago

Thank you all so much for your lovely well wishes but unfortunately it didn’t go ahead today❤️ Fingers crossed it will happen soon🤞🏻🤞🏻

єℓαιηє @elainesim28

3 days ago

Thank you all so much for your lovely well wishes but unfortunately it didn’t go ahead today❤️ Fingers crossed it will happen soon🤞🏻🤞🏻

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Could you all keep my wonderful, amazing, caring and kind sister Michelle in your thoughts today as she goes into hospital for brain surgery. She gives so much to everyone and has a heart of gold. She really is one of the best❤️

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

4 days ago

Fellas, when your wife starts a sentence with, "When you get a chance" Just go ahead and start putting your shoes on. She means now!

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

5 days ago

Being a Mammy is buying 6 yogurts and watch them all get eaten in one day. Then buying 12 yogurts and watch them expire because “Nobody likes those yogurts”.

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

6 days ago

I woke up this morning with a terrible hangover…to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. I was going to get up. Then I thought … No fcuk it,he can mow around me!

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

a week ago

When I was a child all my Mam had to do to shut me up was give me: "THE LOOK". Do you remember "THE LOOK"👀

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

a week ago

Boss: Can you work this weekend? Me: Yeah but I’ll probably be late as public transport on the weekend is slow. Boss: What time will you get here? Me: Monday…

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

a week ago

I need everyone to wish me luck 🍀 I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well I will be out of debt🤞🏻 I am so nervous and excited. I can barely put on my ski mask!

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

a week ago

If your mother spit on her tissue and wiped the dirt off your face with it and you thought that this was normal, you came from a great era🙌🏻

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

a week ago

The stupid moment when you have your pill box in front of you but you can’t remember if you already took it or not !

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

2 weeks ago

There are two types of people: Those who are always ten minutes early and those who think it only takes ten minutes to get anywhere…..and they marry each other!

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

2 weeks ago

Me at 16: I’m never going to be like my parents when I get my own place. Me now : Why the fcuk is every single light on in this bleeding house??!!

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єℓαιηє @elainesim28

2 weeks ago

My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. "State of the Art," he said, "It cost me a fortune." l asked: "what type is it? "He said: "six thirty."