There's been a push—within progressive circles in particular—to listen and demonstrate empathy while withholding judgment, with the result that conversations about how our society should be sometime sound more like marriage counseling: "I understand why you feel that way."
Like so many questionable things, I think this comes from a good place. But civic life *isn't* marriage counseling. It's supposed to be a process for working out what's true and false and what to do based on what we know.
And that means challenging and correcting erroneous or irrational claims, not reinforcing them. In other words, sometimes it's necessary to say: "I hear what you're saying but that's just bonkers."
See: every single claim of trans genocide. No, policies restricting access to hormonal and surgical interventions for under-18s are not genocide. No, policies to keep males out of female sports are not genocide. Take a history class.
Attempts to prioritize empathy over reality backfire. Sometimes people overreact. Sometimes people sincerely feel like the world is coming to an end when it isn't. Don't nod along just because it's uncomfortable to say: hey, wait a minute...
"A lot of people who announce they're trans are full of doubt... They look to other people (both trans and cis) for feedback. We rely on other people to help us figure out what is real or reasonable." reddit.com/r/detrans/comm…
On a lighter note, it reminds me a little of the Seinfeld episode The Gum, where Kramer is on a mission to reassure Lloyd of his own sanity: "You are NOT crazy."
Here we have a group of people who are understandably touchy about the suggestion that they're crazy and the social pressure to reassure them that they're *not* crazy is heavy.
This has led to a lot of well-meaning people going along with a lot of things that are absolutely bonkers, whether that's "I'm a woman because I say so" or "not amputating healthy body parts on demand at government expense is one of the early stages of genocide."
It's uncomfortable to say: You may sincerely feel that way but that feeling is not based in reality. We wouldn't be here now if more people had been willing to tolerate a little discomfort.
I happen to think *everyone* would be better off for it. No one benefits from adopting irrational beliefs that terrorize them or lead them mortify their bodies.
How did 'reassurance' come to sound like this? "I think there's a campaign to eradicate trans people." "Yes, you are NOT crazy, therefore your assessment is totally valid 👍." In what world is that the empathetic response, given no such thing is happening?
@elizamondegreen Relatedly, when a therapist says “your feelings are valid” they are almost always just about to follow it with “let’s talk about how your responses to those valid feelings are hurting you”. That second half never comes in online or activist discourses.
@elizamondegreen The same can be said for all the people doing nothing to avoid Covid. It too is life altering and people are gaslit into believing it’s just a cold.
@elizamondegreen Well said. The trans lunacy is one of the wort examples but it infiltrates elsewhere - like the physio I met who said he can't tell people that their problems are caused by them being overweight. If he says they're overweight he risks getting a complaint filed against him!