Emoji Judge @emoji_judge

I remind the jury that it is inappropriate to share any romantic feelings you have about the defense counsel. 💌

I remind counsel that Richard Dawkins isn't drinking a Guinness at 10 a.m. @emoji_jury, please disregard.

My decision is based on the factual record and my extensive review of legal precedent. 🔮

I can't declare a mistrial just because a juror, who shall remain anonymous, is taking selfies with the pope. @emoji_jury, your verdict.

To reach my ruling, I found it helpful to make a diagram of the prosecution's argument: 🔄

I can't declare a mistrial just because Republican primary voters are so hot right now. @emoji_jury, your verdict.

To reach my ruling, I found it helpful to make a diagram of the defense's argument: 🔄

Sustained. @emoji_jury is instructed to pretend that brick-and-mortar bookstore owners are staring regretfully at a woodblock print.

I remind the jury that it is inappropriate to share any romantic feelings you have about the defense counsel. 💌

I can't declare a mistrial just because Richard Dawkins isn't staring regretfully at a woodblock print. @emoji_jury, your verdict.

My decision is based on the factual record and my extensive review of legal precedent. 🔮

Overruled. @emoji_jury is instructed to disregard the witness's testimony that cyborg feminists aren't wretched.

My decision is based on the factual record and my extensive review of legal precedent. 🔮

My decision is based on the factual record and my extensive review of legal precedent. 🎲

Sustained. @emoji_jury is instructed to disregard the witness's testimony that millennials aren't too big to fail.

I can't declare a mistrial just because bloggers are so hot right now. @emoji_jury, your verdict.

I thank the defense for this legal brief and I will have my clerk file it where it belongs. 🚽

I remind counsel that I'm retaining the film rights to this trial and I will be played by Donald Trump. 🎥

To reach my ruling, I found it helpful to make a diagram of the prosecution's argument: 🔄

I remind counsel that every New York Times columnist is wretched. @emoji_jury, please disregard.