On to the washing - I’ll never get used to after years of intimate care & knowing I’ll need it forever. You never get used to someone else washing your intimate areas. It is the bit which reminds me of my disability. Whilst I’m not embarrassed, put yourself in that situation. 5/
I can’t feel anything from above my boobs and down. My condition has progressed. When I was able to feel it wasn’t as bad someone washing me as I knew what they were doing. Now, it’s 100% trust given over. I only have women doing this but I know it could be a bloke turn up. 6/
Imagine the fear you might feel if you are expecting a carer, know they have open access to your house and know they could be a man even if you’ve requested same-sex care. I know disabled women who’ve had blokes turn up, fortunately they can turn them away, I can’t. 7/
After my wash I am dressed and if I feel well enough, I am helped out of bed - again this is close contact. I have a catheter but require help with other toileting, if you are squeamish I suggest you skip the next part! It needs to be told to emphasise the intimacy of care. 8/
I use a peristeen pump (affectionately known as a poo pump!) it’s a catheter that goes up my bum, fills with water & allows me to go to the loo. Accidents are less but it still happens, this involves changing me, being changed and washed is by far the bit I find hardest. Why? 9/
Because this intimate personal care is a total giving over of trust and lack of dignity - even with women and my own mum I find it hard. However, I do not have the luxury of stepping away, it’s necessary. I don’t pity myself because I’m fortunate compared to other women. 10/
PM: the reverse routine as AM without the washing. My ventilator is put on so that means I struggle to speak and if a predatory male carer decided to do something, I am in bed unable to defend myself or shout for help. In the night my catheter might bypass - changing again. 11/
I write this, not out of wanting pity but to show people who decide to pass judgement on disabled women wanting same-sex care what it’s actually like for me and many other women. I hope politicians (looking at Scotland especially!) read this and develop some understanding but 12/
Most of all compassion. Think of yourself in my shoes when you say: ‘TWAW’, ‘men can become women’ or any other unscientific nonsense that you believe. When you vote for self ID you make it much easier for a predatory male to ID as female and do my intimate same-sex care. 13/
Stats on abuse of disabled women, inc by carers are horrific, more so than the awful abuse of able-bodied women. Many disabled women have hidden problems, most of my problems are hidden. Some may have been abused/assaulted so why would you put them in a situation of facing a man?
How would you feel? Disability can happen to everyone and old age happens to us all. You may need intimate personal care, if you don’t care about what I’ve said, come back to me when you are in my situation, it’ll be interesting to know what you think. #NoToSelfID #RepealTheGRA
@hen10freeman Thank you for sharing. I personally don’t think you need to explain yourself. I feel like it doesn’t matter if you’re disabled or not. You have the innate right to choose who touches you or cares for you. Period.
@hen10freeman Thank you for sharing your experiences. Take care. Xx
@hen10freeman Most people on the other side of this don't have to consider - or don't think they will ever have to consider - what you are obliged to endure, Henrietta. They are deplorable human beings. Thank you for your courage. x
@hen10freeman All for the validation of a few men. That these men are hailed as the most vulnerable of vulnerable when it very clearly isn't true depresses me beyond belief and sometimes like today I just can't see an end to the gaslighting, we are less than human to them.
@hen10freeman Thank you for sharing this Henrietta.