Shit My Fiancé Says @immarryinghim
I'm documenting all the shit my fiancé says during our wedding planning. Hope you enjoy as much as I do! Indianapolis, IN Joined March 2017-
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Thanks @ArmchairExpPod for being my top podcast on @Spotify this year. I loved all 6,357 minutes of it. #SpotifyWrapped open.spotify.com/show/6kAsbP8px…
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Shit My Fiancé Says retweeted
I heard @realDonaldTrump ran home to @FoxNews to lie about me. But as my grandmother told me — never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it. So ignore him and vote, Florida!
Umm. Whoever employs this prick should be well aware of what kind of sickness is inside of @paultracy3. As OP's WIFE, this is uncalled for, obscene, and totally unacceptable. @NBCSN @IndyCar @IndyCaronNBC
Some days are just fucking brutal.
Are you playing your game? No Are you lying? Yes I'm sorry, I like talking to the future father of my children. Call him. I'm busy.
[During engagement photos] Photographer: Whisper something in her ear. Him: (Snoring) I'm going to do this for the rest of our lives.
[On first dance songs] Him: I Cum Blood by Cannibal Corpse. Me: 😮
[On first dance songs] Me: It's a lot of non-lyrical singing. Him: IT'S ABOUT LOVING SOMEONE FOREVER, YOU DICK. #immarryinghim
[Doing yoga] Me: I'm tapping into my inner smile. Him: Okay, you'd better wash your hands.
Me: I'm going to wear snakeskin shoes. Him: Why? Me: Well, my wedding dress IS snakeskin. Him: What? You're going to look like a doofus.
Me: Was that her? Him: No, that girl was a bit prettier. Me: Oh damn. Him: Yeah, not much though, a two is better than a one.
Shit my fiancé says: [on getting a haircut] "I'm going into our wedding looking like a fucking sheepdog." 🐑 😂😂😂
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