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Tweets19K
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Followers711
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Following443
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Likes15K
Girl I ended things with because I visited her studio apartment and found out she punches holes in her walls: Aldus, you really hurt me Me: Yeah? Tell your walls that
My sister told us she has an ovarian cyst and for the past week my family has been calling her our cyster LOL
Got called a faggot in Target today. My mom hugged me and made me tea but I still haven’t accepted her apology.
Importing and adopting an asian child is a symbol of white excellence
Tried to voice to text hit movie “Me and Earl and the Dying Girl” using my Samsung television remote but what instead appeared on the search bar was “Me oral and the dying girl” and suddenly my family movie night privileges have been rescinded.
Just got told making beastiality jokes is problematic, who am I offending? The sexy dogs??
@adam_solorio @BleacherReport @brgridiron dam haha must suck to be that guy fr fr 🚫🧢
@_yungdan Quarantine has completely derailed this man
“Don’t knock it til ya try it!” - My buddy Adam Solorio as he eats his 3rd spoonful of powdered creatine out of a gallon Ziploc bag
@SashaWaintraub This is great. Thank you for reaching out.
@CifraKallie I’m getting mixed signals from you and the topic of the stock market
I gotta stop buying air fresheners based on titular smells bruh I bought a bulk package of “Blue Oddyssey” Glade refills and now I’m $12.54 down and have to deal with my single suite dorm room smelling like an escape room for the next 6 months
Couldn’t put my finger on it but I’ve finally come to the conclusion that the whole state of Massachusetts just feels like one ginormous Pier 1 Imports store
@aKiDnamedRoland yo I still might on some social guidelines shit when I come back in November I'll keep you posted!
The only joke that has consistently hit in my amateur career as a standup comedian is when I refer to my own nut as “Aldus sauce” and the people have been loving it
Clb @positivecooper
109 Followers 308 Following
Premier Pool Plasteri... @premierpools91
5 Followers 34 Following Premier Pool Plastering & Remodeling Experts serving LA. From Design to full Build, we handle all pool construction needs. 💦📱Call Now: (818) 362-2228
dak j @Dak_Janiels
93 Followers 3K Following
Jon Rineman @Rinemania
3K Followers 1K Following Host of “RINEMAN IN THE MORNING” on @TheShark1053. Fallon (2009-18)/WWE (Not As Long)
Josh Carone @hrpickens
153 Followers 299 Following
jonah bowen @jonahbowen9
84 Followers 101 Following As seen in Times and National Geographic On the prowl… for apples. yummy apples! in Warwick!
new @itsallgoodsis
2 Followers 9 Following
Jonathan Farschian @TheRealJonFarsh
3K Followers 929 Following 🇮🇷 | @SyracuseU Alum 🍊| @CoLinMensBKB 🐺 | @TeamCPSA ⚪️⚫️ | Formerly @GoChoctaws_MBB @FairfaxBBall @the_ranchhoops @ScotlandPrep_MBB
Siena Brolin @sexy_bozo
170 Followers 418 Following Swallowed a worm in ‘08 and it’s still wigglin around in there | she/her | follow my main account @bobbymoynistan
Max Charbonneau @corndudemax
411 Followers 408 Following Joy is gone from our hearts; our dancing has turned to mourning (Lamentations 5:15)
Kallie Cifra @CifraKallie
65 Followers 69 Following
Keely Seward @keely_seward
71 Followers 52 Following
rosie 🤳 @user81502817451
77 Followers 94 Following doing this instead of writing in my diary so that i can get attention for it
cassi @casssihowell
303 Followers 229 Following
helen 🦋 @helennmooney
163 Followers 153 Following
. @julieramossss
231 Followers 248 Following
Lisa Jean Tobinsky @LisaTobinsky
6 Followers 74 Following
kate♡ @katelynd_14
500 Followers 224 Following
jer @jaleadude
329 Followers 334 Following
meg @sourgummymegan
69 Followers 71 Following
Sam @skolsam
110 Followers 106 Following
Dra @draswrld
188 Followers 210 Following
Sam Wilczynski @SamWilczynski
866 Followers 393 Following
Jon Rineman @Rinemania
3K Followers 1K Following Host of “RINEMAN IN THE MORNING” on @TheShark1053. Fallon (2009-18)/WWE (Not As Long)
Josh Carone @hrpickens
153 Followers 299 Following
Jonathan Farschian @TheRealJonFarsh
3K Followers 929 Following 🇮🇷 | @SyracuseU Alum 🍊| @CoLinMensBKB 🐺 | @TeamCPSA ⚪️⚫️ | Formerly @GoChoctaws_MBB @FairfaxBBall @the_ranchhoops @ScotlandPrep_MBB
Siena Brolin @sexy_bozo
170 Followers 418 Following Swallowed a worm in ‘08 and it’s still wigglin around in there | she/her | follow my main account @bobbymoynistan
Max Charbonneau @corndudemax
411 Followers 408 Following Joy is gone from our hearts; our dancing has turned to mourning (Lamentations 5:15)
jonah bowen @jonahbowen9
84 Followers 101 Following As seen in Times and National Geographic On the prowl… for apples. yummy apples! in Warwick!
Kallie Cifra @CifraKallie
65 Followers 69 Following
Keely Seward @keely_seward
71 Followers 52 Following
rosie 🤳 @user81502817451
77 Followers 94 Following doing this instead of writing in my diary so that i can get attention for it
cassi @casssihowell
303 Followers 229 Following
Shannen ♡ @shannenmiralles
477 Followers 122 Following the name is Shannen with an E ....a go lucky type of thing
Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes
1.1M Followers 844 Following 2026 Ben Schwartz & Friends Improv tour is up and running. Get tix using the link below. The Earliest Show TV series is coming soon. Sonic 4 premieres 3/19/27.
helen 🦋 @helennmooney
163 Followers 153 Following
Willie Macc @funnywilliemacc
8K Followers 687 Following From BET College Hill to the commercial king and touring comic. Catch me on a stage near you. I Am Willie Macc.
. @julieramossss
231 Followers 248 Following
jer @jaleadude
329 Followers 334 Following
Lisa Jean Tobinsky @LisaTobinsky
6 Followers 74 Following
kate♡ @katelynd_14
500 Followers 224 Following
Robert Gonzalez @robgonzalz
112 Followers 145 Following
Taika Waititi @TaikaWaititi
1.3M Followers 708 Following Bespoke tweets hand-crafted from locally sourced vintage dickhead.
meg @sourgummymegan
69 Followers 71 Following
Sam @skolsam
110 Followers 106 Following
Dra @draswrld
188 Followers 210 Following
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