marty @martysnip
slow down Portland, OR Joined December 2012-
Tweets5K
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Followers134
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Following541
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Likes68K
marty retweeted
I made a London Fog cake with an Earl Grey lavender soak and lavender vanilla bean cream cheese icing. I bet you'd love to see a tasteful, dramatically lit photo of that, wouldn't you? With a little sprig of baby's breath artistically placed on top. You're a very sick man
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marty retweeted
You look real foolish now pal
You look real foolish now pal https://t.co/ilDRyDNMRS
marty retweeted
Just figured out you can schedule texts. Gonna do this to my buddys every day now. Mind games
marty retweeted
Worst news to come out of Utah in years, decades maybe ❤️
Worst news to come out of Utah in years, decades maybe ❤️
marty retweeted
luigi’s “deny, defend, depose” bullets were good but “haha your gay” is also an undeniable message
marty retweeted
SO HEARTBROKEN 💔 i didn't always agree with his politics but he didn't deserve this. he had a family and he was taken away from them. violence is never the answer no matter our differences. rest in peace
marty retweeted
dudes love to be like “my friend” and it’s a girl they’ve had sex with
every single person i know either got engaged or married this year and im not even joking
marty retweeted
Fumbling a friend group by ageing out of binge drinking
marty retweeted
iris by goo goo dolls really is insane though. I'd give up forever to touch you? you're the closest to heaven I'll ever be? all I can breathe is your life? and I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think they'd understand? when everything's meant to be broken I just want…
marty retweeted
i don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. i did everything right. i drank wine while i cooked. i had a hand towel over my shoulder. literally everything right
marty retweeted
My favorite thing ever is calling people I’ve never dated my ex
on my period at work and almost started crying in front of the paramedic in the middle of a call bc a pregnant patient and her partner started talking about how much they love each other so yeah that’s where i’m at
marty retweeted
“nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” ohhh someone has never had a crab rangoon or perhaps 20 crab rangoons in one sitting
marty retweeted
i promise your soulmate is your coworker
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