So, in the waning days of my life as a high schooler, I attracted the attention of a Marine recruiter. This was probably because I was one of the few "bright" kids that wasn't headed off to a 4-year school the next fall (also a long story).
I don't know who put him on to me, but he would be in the halls of the school every Thursday or Friday afternoon and would absolutely approach me on sight and say, "Come on, Mr. You'd make a hell of a Marine. When can we sit down and talk about it?"
Now, at this point, I could have taken my cousin's approach a few years before and just told this dude, "Look, I'm a gay communist." But that didn't seem like the right play for me. Plus, my cousin had already done it. I don't steal all my jokes, you know.
So, finally, one Friday afternoon, I said, "You know what, Sergeant? Here's my address. Why don't you drop by tomorrow morning, around 10 am? Make your pitch."
And sure enough, that dude rang our doorbell at 10am sharp. He came into the living room and sat down with me and my mom. And he went all in for it.
The gist of the pitch was "What are you afraid of? Because the Marine Corps can get you past that and make you a better man. Are you afraid of heights? I know men who were and now they're jumping out of airplanes at 30,000 feet."
"Are you afraid of water? I know men who were and now they're the best underwater experts you could ever hope to know!"
"So, you tell me, young man - what is your deepest fear? What scares you more than anything else and what is it you'd like the Marines to teach you to overcome?"
And I looked that Marine recruiter in the eye and said, "Sir, there is only one thing on God's green Earth that scares me and if you can teach me how to overcome that, I will be your best Marine." He asked, "Fantastic, son! Name it! What is your greatest fear?"
And that's when I pointed at my mother, sitting in her chair, and said, "My greatest fear is that woman sitting right there."
He looked at me, he looked at my mom, and after a minute, he stood up and thanked us for our time and left the house. Never saw or heard from him again.