Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

Joined February 2012

Tweets

6K
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177
Following

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Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

3 years ago

I have a cousin that I’ve gotten along with more and more through the years and it’s been kind of cool. But earlier today, I watched him pour ranch on his Turkey. It was cool while it lasted

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Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

3 years ago

There was a bat in my living room at 5 in the morning. Did it watch me sleep?

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star 💫 @stxrinsky

3 years ago

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Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

3 years ago

Uber driver has radio set to an imagine dragons station. Unacceptable. Zero stars

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Dave Kluge @DaveKluge

4 years ago

I haven’t seen a hit like this since Sean Taylor lit up a punter at the 2007 Pro Bowl

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Dan White @atdanwhite

4 years ago

Wearing this to Regal Cinema tonight then saying in my deepest voice possible “One ticket to Sing 2”.

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Dan White @atdanwhite

4 years ago

Saving up my points for the big prize. 🍔

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Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

4 years ago

Gotta pour one out for Josh Allen. God damn

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dax shepard fan club @IsThisHeady

4 years ago

I had a goal in 2021 to hit $10,000 profit in sports betting. With only a couple days left, I need $25,470 to achieve my goal.

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Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

4 years ago

If I had to decide between ending my life, or watching a full episode of Young Sheldon…. I would really have to think about it

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Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

4 years ago

I’m so self conscious about the way I clap at big events. Feels like everyone is looking at me like “why tf is dude clapping like that?”

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Barstool Sports @barstoolsports

4 years ago

HOT SOUP

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Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

4 years ago

Is Eddie Jackson the worst tackler in the league?

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Matt Ozimek @matt_ozimek

4 years ago

To people who say “I seen that” or “I seen this” Do you feel like an asshole? Because you sound like one

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imagine it’s your day in court for a horrible crime you didn’t commit. your lawyer is late, you haven’t even met them yet. then the doors swing open, and it’s a fucking golden retriever in a suit. your heart sinks. you realize you are in air bud 14: attorney at paw. you weep