Iron Lungs @mdooze

the only thing i hate about jiffy muffins is that if i make too many of them I’m going to have a stomach ache because theres no way i’m not eating all of them

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Paul @bingowings14

4 years ago

McDonald’s staff harvesting apple pie filling x.com/fasc1nate/stat…

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Iron Lungs @mdooze

5 years ago

The DMV would be such a pleasant experience if the workers got commission based on how many customers they helped

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Iron Lungs @mdooze

5 years ago

One of the world leaders needs to invite Russia and Ukraine to a birthday dinner party without telling them that the other is going to be there

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@jakeferrante its hard to believe that the windham post office is having trouble finding mail carriers, it sounds like such a sick job. Alone in a van all day doin ur own thing, no customers, u can pull over and take breaks whenever. Not to mention all the puppers you would get to pet everyday

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Vsauce @tweetsauce

5 years ago

"Earth" without "art" is just "Eh." "Earth" without "_ h" is just "Fart."

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Iron Lungs @mdooze

5 years ago

Man these destists is worse than the oil change technicians. Every 3 years at my cleanings they’re like “do you want us to remove this rotting tooth? this tooth needs a filling do you want us to schedule that?” like bro i came in for a cleaning quit tryna get in my pockets homie

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Memes @PardonMyMeme

5 years ago

Apple coming up with the new Apple Watch commercial probably.

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Iron Lungs @mdooze

5 years ago

snapchat notificatons be like *your friend viewed your snap and closed it without laughing* *your friend is now attempting to reply but stopped because they couldnt think of anything clever* *your friend is now talking shit about your unfunny snap to their girlfriend*

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Iron Lungs @mdooze

5 years ago

When she tells you she wants designer shoes and a baby for christmas

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Iron Lungs @mdooze

5 years ago

@jakeferrante @ndrewtucker

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Iron Lungs @mdooze

5 years ago

@Mandrews_81

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Iron Lungs @mdooze

5 years ago

My mom on Thanksgiving - “If you’re gonna smoke pot do it outside!!” *Me standing next to the kitchen door trying to convince her that all the smoke is going outside*