Hey, you -- yeah, with the ADHD and the cool projects! You know how all of those projects are, like, 80% done? And how you can't figure out how to get them over the line? And how frustrating that is? The following thread contains an infohazard, proceed at your peril! ;)
I am going to share with you the framing that allowed me to finally make sense of this. As I understand it, ADHD is characterized at least in part (and someone please bounce some science off this?) by a specific difference in the dopamine release process.
(All of this stuff is to my knowledge theoretical, and probably more complex than I'm making it sound, but the model that helped me is this:) Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that allows you to feel a sense of reward, satisfaction, well-being, etc. It motivates people.
For people who do not have ADHD, dopamine is released *at the moment a goal is accomplished*. "Doing the thing" is intrinsically motivating for them, in a fundamental way. It provides them with a form of well-being that is as natural to them as oxygen. Think about that.
But. For people who do have ADHD things are a bit more complicated. There are various ways to frame this argument, but the one that I tend to prefer is just: we seem to get dopamine from satisfying curiosity rather than completing goals. Think about that.
Depending on which kind of person you are, really think about what it would be like to be the other kind of person. If accomplishing goals brings you intrinsic satisfaction, imagine what life would be like without that. What would you *do*? Why?
Now, everyone who has ever rolled your eyes at the idea that ADHD is a disability, ask yourself this: Have you ever once thought about what it would feel like -- really *feel* like, subjectively, in your body, in your qualia -- to be motivated by curiosity over completion?
Modern life consists of *tasks*. A never-ending series of clearly-defined simple-to-achieve Things. To. Do. Not problems to solve, questions to answer, ideas to have, dances to learn, or universes to imagine. Tasks. To complete.
It's not simple to pay a bill. It's not simple to call a support line. It's not simple to mail something to something. It's not simple to do any of the billion simple things we are each expected to do every day. And if you have ADHD, there is no reward. Only lack of punishment.
Think about that. ADHD people who heal their trauma and their relationship to panic and anxiety and shame *suddenly find themselves unable to do their jobs or focus on their responsibilities*. Why? Because fear was all that was motivating them. They have to relearn how to want.
And the worst part is that not only do you spend all of your time doing this endless series of tasks. The worst part is the opportunity cost. All of the things you don't get to learn, the questions you don't get to ask, the thoughts you don't get to think.