Nate Postlethwait @nate_postlethwt
Writer. Sharing my thoughts on trauma recovery from a survivors perspective. Free resources here: https://t.co/pQMe6CHqHz natewrites.com Joined April 2020-
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Telling someone they should be over abuse they went through as a child is dismissing the lives they had to build to survive. It’s not until that life keeps breaking them that they realize there are roots to heal. This isn’t something you get over. It’s something you work through.
It’s hard for people who’ve gone through childhood trauma to understand their own capacity. They give more than they have because they don’t know other options. This is rooted in them being neglected when they needed care. Healing is in accepting you don’t owe what you don’t have
It’s not “tough love” if someone has to heal from it. That’s abuse disguised as tough love.
Don’t underestimate the value of sitting quietly with someone when they’re in pain. Let them talk. Listen to hear. There is profound healing in someone experiencing your care by offering your presence and withholding your advice.
It can be difficult to navigate the complex feelings around the passive parent who did not cause the trauma, but saw it and didn’t stop it. I don’t say this to provoke unnecessary anger. I say this to make it clear that neglect is also abuse.
Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they face years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of that trauma and said “This ends with me.” This is brave. This is powerful. This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker.
When you heal from abuse & learn to exit survival mode, you will see that many people have no idea what that kind of pain feels like. Their lives have been consistent, while yours has been anything but. It takes time to adjust, but your normal is normal & it's valid as it is.
If your child is hurting themselves or acting out and you assume they are doing it to get attention, please give them attention.
It has to be of the most sacred life experiences to be the person someone confides their abuse story to. When the receiver has the space & understanding, healing happens. But, for both of them. Truly, to hold a heavy story & then help them feel safe because they shared. Sacred.
Let’s end this broken system that judges people based on the relationship they have with their family. Many people had to walk away from their families because walking away is often the only hope for healing, health and survival. Honor them for their loss and their courage.
There is nothing that provokes anger more in manipulative people than the people they are trying to manipulate growing, healing or moving on.
Sometimes the anxiety you feel is your healthiest, authentic self colliding with the inauthenticity around you.
When you choose to heal, don’t get caught up on who will be there with you on the other side of the process. The healthiest & most healed version of you will be there. That’s who you’ve needed most. That’s who you’ve been looking for this whole time. What a reunion. What a gift.
There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they’ve done to you. Let them go.
If you allow curiosity to guide you, it will tell you not to ask a survivor why they didn’t tell someone or why they didn’t leave. If you allow compassion to guide you, it will tell you not to make a survivors story about what probably happened to the person who hurt them.
Why we have a hard time letting go of people who hurt us: -We genuinely love them. -We think we can help them heal. -They (and the mistreatment of us) are familiar. -We fear if we let them go, we will always be alone. Please choose you over relationships that hurt you.
An example of victim mentality is when a religious leader is found to have been abusing people in their community, and the people who support the leader blame the actual victim for speaking up. It's when a persons mentality is around being a victim when they are not one.
One sign of growth is when someone says something dishonest or triggering to you, instead of spending your time trying to get them to own it, or call someone else to validate how you felt hearing it, you experience it for what it is & walk away with your energy intact.
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@nate_postlethwt The hardest part for me was not feeling dumb. I had to remind myself that I was young and therefore was easily deceived. The good news is I also felt powerful for overcoming what I didn’t even understand
@nate_postlethwt You need to start protecting and loving yourself better. Don't focus on the why of childhood trauma. Try to understand how the traumatic experiences shaped your life and your unconscious choices, and make choices now that are better for you.
@nate_postlethwt Absolutely right. I wish I would have learned this earlier in life.
@nate_postlethwt “You don’t owe what you don’t have.” I think that is a new mantra for me. So direct & succinct. Grateful for this, Nate.
@nate_postlethwt I had a friend do that for me once a week for over 6 mths. She said the most helpful thing anyone has said.. "tell me your story until you dont need to tell me anymore" I love her for that
@nate_postlethwt As a cycle breaker, sometimes when I'm really at my lowest, I need this reminder. I wasn't perfect (overprotective, maybe), but never once was my child abused in any way. She is 30 now 🫨
@nate_postlethwt Oh the same for me. I just get lost in a book, don’t even remember turning pages.
@nate_postlethwt This might sound silly...but for me it's been "talking to myself" out load in front of a mirror. Putting words on what I've been through and comfort myself. It actually helps a lot. ♥️
@nate_postlethwt Music has been therapeutic as well.Being intentional with what fills my mind on a daily basis. Even in the background, as it tends to spill over into everything else like sleep and my first thoughts on waking up.
@nate_postlethwt Bees. I take time in the garden centre to see what plants the bees land on, buy them and plant them in my garden. Hundreds of bees just going about their business. I can watch them for hours (and my garden is a cacophony of colour!)
@nate_postlethwt Having boundaries. Protecting and guarding my state of peace and having a zero tolerance approach to anything and anyone even who seem to Rob of me of that. It has been very significant in positively impacting my physical health.
@nate_postlethwt Allowing people to make small inconsequential decisions by their own choice
@nate_postlethwt Being next to a lake or the ocean, just watching the water.
@nate_postlethwt I always loved reading. I still can’t concentrate long enough to be able to do it, but I’m working toward that. I’m glad that you got that back.
@nate_postlethwt It’s safety, comfort and sanctuary.. Especially in a world that can be cruel, cold, and unsafe to find shelter in a person is a gift. It takes so much courage to talk about ones pains and struggles, but it is also so beautiful.
@nate_postlethwt Such a comfort to be seen. And understood. Appreciate it, Nate.
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