Ollie Rantz @ollierantz

This is like Morgan Freeman reading his own biography. Aaron, on finding out about this account.

I think it’s etiquette when you’re walking into your seat at an arena that you go crotch to crotch, not your butt to their crotch.

“Are you talking about folding a fitted sheet? No. Just throw it away and buy a new one.”

No I don't like it, I have the haircut of a middle school football player.

you remember that show blind date? I think that holds a disproportionate amount of space in my memory and it created and unreasonable idea that there was an unreasonable amount of places with hot tubs and grottos. Also, that show was really a glorified hookup show.

"Shaking a yogurt to get the fruit off the bottom is like finding a legless raccoon who has figured out a way to survive."

I’m not sure if it’s hot yoga, it’s just unhandled air yoga.

I’ve gotta back the kids off of saying “sucks” it’s a gateway word.

“One time I denied my kids vegetables. It was just because they wanted them.”

“I just feel like people think that coyotes and foxes are going to kill all of their animals”

Ollie on a production issue magically being resolved today: I programmed myself to dream about it last night, and in my dream, I encountered a dolphin, but a it had a beard. And I asked it about this problem. His reply was musical and piercing: “Have Rizzo try it in the morning”

“You can’t make a #TopGun2, that’s like making a sequel to the Bible.”

“The typical candy thrower empties the maximum amount at the end of the parade route, once they realize it is over.” - on how to maximize candy capturing during the chagrin Memorial Day parade

“Men have very few ways to luxuriate, the robe is one of them.”

#ICantStop “I should smoke, but I just rip things apart instead”

“I get toast anxiety. You know when you don’t have enough toast to soak up your overeasy eggs and add a little jelly to them. I just want to have enough toast.”

I invited aaron to an Italian restaurant, but he’s on keto: “it’s alright, I’ll come and just eat sauce”

“In high school, I got really good at magic because I wanted to attract girls”

Aaron on cold shoulder/one shoulder shirts: It combines the sleepiness of a halter top and the skankiness of a tank top

“I have never woken up In the morning and been like YES, I’m excited to be awake” - On how he can sleep on different mattresses