PECCAVI. @peccvi
Joined February 2015-
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i can love anyone for one day and there’s something so beautiful in that. this will not matter tomorrow but today it’s everything. i will write you a poem today and we’ll probably never talk again.
i don’t post on here much anymore but here is something i just wrote. still need to fully wake up to edit it. tempting to go back to sleep, back to you.
your smell lingers on my clothing like kisses left behind. i think if everyone could hear your laugh just once, it could fix the world.
i can not survive what i am. i am burning and i am holding the matches.
a broken heart slows its own cure from reaching it. my shattered ribs have stopped the clocks. i am burning in a fire that will not even grant me death.
you’d like me better under the moonlight. i’m softer then.
when i’m at my happiest is when im most certain that im doomed
i start every book at the end. i knew when i met you. your hand was covered in my blood before i ever held it.
i create my own loneliness. i cover the mirrors. i leave the phone unplugged. but i wish for a call anyway.
the loneliness sucks me in as it does every time. i’ve let the phone go unanswered so often that it now refuses to ring.
i look like my mother and i speak like my father. neither of them can forgive me for this. i’m not sure i can either.
the pills stop the noise but make it so quiet it’s unbearable. i’m tired of writing about the grey but the alternative may be deadly. they took the poetry from me but they left me with the blood.
all that once mattered is dust. the final candle has burnt out. the stranger in the mirror says they know why.
it is as it’s always been. me, with my torn out guts. me, holding the knife. i am my own judge and executioner. i am on the stand and i am terrified. i know how this plays out. it’s my own guilt that undoes me.
you took my favorite season from me. you made the blooming flowers rot and spring tastes of blood now.
on the worst days i dream of you covered in your own blood. on the worst days revenge rolls too easily off my tongue. on the worst days i think i can’t be alive at the same time as you.
i’m choking on the ashes of fires of my own creation
i’m going to die in the home that i promised to run from i’m going to die as everything i hate i’m going to die and it won’t even matter
trying to mention my hurt in a way that won’t make you run
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