martian mama🌠 @probably_ally
♏︎☀️ | ♑︎🌑 | ♈︎⬆️ (she/her) #girlmom Columbus, OH Joined January 2015-
Tweets14K
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Followers383
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Following405
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Likes38K
martian mama🌠 retweeted
She just won the internet — hands down the best reporting on the current Iran situation.😂😭😂
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martian mama🌠 retweeted
he’s not new to this he’s true to this
Tove Lo is a Scorpio. I should've known
My man just asked me why the dirty clothes were separated into piles😭😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔
My favorite thing about CC was the intense color coding
The year is 2010. You're on your way to Charming Charlie's to pick out a new bauble necklace
Why would Chick-fil-A make a cauliflower sandwich but not make it vegan????
I ordered and paid for only 6 storage bins... They gave me 18. But I'm not complaining🤷
Shawn and I applied for a townhouse and if we get it I'm going to be SO happy
Giving birth to my second child this weekend and my pump up playlist is all old Taylor Swift
What the fuck
The moment she tells him he makes her lose faith in men and marriage...
Free coffee on a Friday tastes v nice
My favorite kind of text (I live a full state away from any Bojangles)
I've been limiting my daughter's screentime to 30ish mins a day of time on her kid tablet so that on weekends we can watch movies and shows with her dad and have it be special, but the amount of work I have to put into parenting without a screen is WILD
martian mama🌠 retweeted
Homer Simpson was a true baller because HOW did he afford 3 children, a detached suburban house, 2 cars, a stay at home wife and extra change for his drinking problem with absolutely NO side hustles 🤔
martian mama🌠 retweeted
Paid $26,400 in a year of rent. That should be enough to tell any bank we can afford a mortgage but no because life is too expensive for a down payment. Make it make sense.
If my cat wakes me up again tonight I'm going to throw a squishmallow at him
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