David @quickfixfun
Just For Fun Tel Aviv, Israel Joined July 2012-
Tweets1K
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Followers70
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Following202
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Likes17
I don't regret pressing the close button in the elevator when people are running. If they have all that energy-they should take the stairs.
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"Wanna come to a party?" "Sure. I'd love to spend two whole hours standing around while people recommend TV shows to me I'll never watch."
If it bothers you when people don't like you there is a simple solution: think about it until you're dead
It's cool we live in a time where we can just type "lol" or "haha" without actually having to laugh or have feelings.
When I found out Santa wasn’t real I got so mad at my parents I stormed out of the house, got in my car and just drove and drove and drove.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
Reading is great. You stare at stained slices of tree for hours on end, hallucinating vividly as time passes you by.
what's going on with people who are mad at movies that last longer than 90 minutes but happily watch an entire season of TV in one day
I have nothing in common with people who eat 1 Pringle at a time instead of frantically shoving 20 in their mouth like it's a wood chipper
I don't think this guy who just told a woman to calm down understands how women work
My favorite way to clean my house is to stop inviting people over so no one sees it’s still dirty.
Whenever someone says, “Good question” I never hear their answer because I’m too busy congratulating myself for asking such a good question.
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom?
Sorry I can't go out. I forgot to charge my phone halfway though the day.
I will be the first president who is openly mentally ill
To the person who honked to get me out of my parking space faster, thank you for inspiring me to delete 3000 emails right here, right now.
Social media is nice because now we can all experience profound solitude and isolation together.
They need to make realistic commercials for beds & mattresses. They always show a couple, never a guy with a dog asleep on his chest.
Remember, he who laughs last is the idiot who took forever to get it.
"I'm not mad. Why would I be mad?" - girls who are mad
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