Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

roll me up and smoke me when i die... she/her - beautiful/hot Joined June 2011

Tweets

6K
Followers

215
Following

448
Likes

3K

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

2 years ago

That .5 seconds in the zoom meeting when everyone has said goodbye and we’re all frantically navigating to the “Leave Meeting” button is the most uncomfortable thing but I love it

0 0 0 90 0

god: “Hey kill ur kid for me” abraham: kill my..what..no” god: “if u wanna roll w/ me kill ur kid” abraham: “I mean…oh - oKay” *abraham ties his son to a rock for sacrifice, sharpens his knife and tells his kid he about to die” god: “oh stop it heheh I was just fuckin w u”

0 0 0 100 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

2 years ago

Men from your hometown be like: can’t talk, building my empire And it’s always a SoundCloud career

0 0 0 77 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

2 years ago

everything is a brewery now

0 0 1 74 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

a quiet peaceful Sunday morning <<< screaming What Do We Do With A Drunken Sailor in the pasta aisle of Aldi

0 0 1 60 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Nothin hits quite like that childhood disillusionment you experience in your twenties

0 0 3 76 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Not me checking my bank account twice a day as if 100k is just suddenly going to appear overnight from the heavens

0 0 1 70 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Marriage is such a weird concept. One day you’re just like, “I’m really happy with our relationship - but you know what would make it EVEN better? Getting the government involved.”

0 0 0 72 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Does anyone else who recovered from an ED still keep weird habits without even realizing it? For example, I still leave a few bites of my meal w/out thinking about it because that way I didn’t actually “finish it.” Didn’t even consciously know I was still doing this till recently

0 0 0 86 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

I hung out with mostly guys all through grade school and college. NOT because guys are less drama, they are not. But I was a closeted bisexual and honestly girls made me sweaty and scared

0 0 3 91 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Is it bad that I’m geniunely considering pretending to become a Christian again to ease my family’s fear that I’m going to hell

0 0 3 126 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

You really think you know everything about your partner until you look at their LinkedIn and realize you have no fucking clue what they do all day at work. Like not even a little bit

0 0 0 81 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Men who play with femininity >>>>>>

0 0 1 89 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

My texts to my partner be like “nothing u do will ever matter in 50 years so get wild today jajajaja plz do laundry” *no response* “who is that actor from Friends who said the thing in the background?” *no response “my tummy hurt”

0 0 1 111 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Deconstruction is wild because where I once had a lot of animosity and anger towards the black and white truth, absolutist environment I was raised in, I now feel so much compassion and empathy towards my family and friends who truly believe all of it…and will never escape…

0 0 1 101 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Working with an international company for the last two years, I’ve forgotten that it’s not super normal to be up at 5am for meetings regularly 💀☠️😂

0 0 1 79 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

This cold season has me doing lines of Emergen-C powder every morning

0 0 2 85 0

Abbey @sooo_not_fetch

3 years ago

Sometimes I can’t believe I’ve had the same partner for TEN years and we still somehow find 5 + hours of things to talk about in bed like children and stay up way way too late and I really don’t appreciate it enough ❤️❤️ I love that sunnabitch