tymike12 @tymike12
Joined March 2011-
Tweets224
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Followers9
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Following58
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Likes1
Since when did it cost so much to rent a bounce castle? Now that....is what... I call......inflation. Sorry.
There is 1 day during the year when we unknowingly pass the anniversary of the day dinosaurs were wiped off the face of the earth #mindblown
It is crazy to me that I hear the voice in my head in my actual voice. #mindblown
What would the voice in your head say if you never learned a language? #mindblown
A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reaches its stomach. Ever think of that? No, because you only think of yourself.
Jesus once turned water into wine. I once turned a paycheck into vodka. Your move Jesus.
I love mother earth but who cares if future kids don't ever see a polar bear. I never saw a dinasaur and you dont hear me complaining.
I just don't know what I'd do on "Take your child to work day" if I worked at Penn State University.
My Zodiac sign is Cancer. I really believe in irony & just know that is how I am going to die. By a giant effing Crab. But what a way to go.
Its really not my fault that I learned as an infant that happiness comes from boobs and bottles.
If bullying has taught us anything it is that we would rather kill ourselves than hop on a treadmill.
The best way to find out if a person ever ran a marathon is that they will immediately tell you.
I just broke my record for most consecutive days without dying
3 Horrible Facts: Today is not Friday. Tomorrow is not Friday. The day after Tomorrow is not Friday.
I hear any type of comotion while in the shower & I am convinced that they are killing my family and I am going to have to fight them naked
The best part about drinking outdoors is that can't get thrown out.
The only thing that can make a Monday crappier than usual is being reminded that you weren't born into royalty.
I just got caught staring & the only thing I could come up with was "Did u just see the size of that bee!" Yup, not so good under pressure.
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2.0M Followers 784 Following I like long walks on the beach...and then to be dragged through the sand by an off-road vehicle, and then hurled off a catapult.
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