AFC Crystal Phallus ⚽🔮 @AfcCrystal
Eight London-based misfits cobble together a football team. Aiming to grace the five-a-side game with sexy football...literally. EST. 2018. Camberwell, London Joined July 2018-
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@BarseRumourMill @BarseFC Get @SwazTeamwear on the blower.
@Bjartskular19 @josephofiowa The prognosis is another 4-6 weeks for Nelson, according to the physio. However, with the lack of competitive fixtures he should have ample time to recover, so the club shouldn’t be missing him for any important games.
📰 The club can also confirm that Ryan Anand is in the latter stages of recovery from a longstanding ankle problem, amid news of an impending move to Le Havre. He has not, contrary to speculation, undergone a medical with the French club today.
📰 After over 12 months of investigation, Challinor has been found guilty of all charges & placed on the transfer list. The club will not comment on tabloid speculation of interest from Norway and Scotland in securing the player’s services.
The club can confirm that Scott Challinor is under investigation for his "criminal dancemoves" at The Tiger last night. Challinor has refused to comment on the matter #FreeScott
And finally the top three nominees for Show-er of the Year Prize for Dickies POTY were as follows: 1st Place: @wilwords 2nd Place: @salamatof 3rd Place: Benoît Anand Winning nominee Wil was awarded the coveted prize of a Communist notebook. #CrystalClearAmbition #DickiesPOTY
The Goal of the Season Award went to @salamatof for his humdinger against Newcastle University Old Boys. His price was a Lego T-Shirt as worn by Dickies hero @visitduloc. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Grower of the Year Award for most improved player was handed to @visitduloc, who took home a toilet roll signed by himself. We can confirm this was NOT a fix. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Dildo Award for Best Loan Player was awarded to @FreeWuLei. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Award for Best Longserving Player was awarded to @wilwords, who received a wind-up ghost toy. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Best New Phallus Award for the most impressive new signing was shared between Ryan Anand, @salamatof and @cdwwilliams. George was handed a pack of World Cup cards, Chris a tour of the Albert Museum DVD, with Ryan receiving 12 wooden pegs as his prize. #CrystalClearAmbition
The Ryan and Stephen Sessegnon Award for Brotherly Love went to Anand brothers Benoit and Ryan, who were given a mystery USB stick and a Visit London keyring for their ability to put sibling rivalry to one side. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Award for Footballing Excellence on a come down was posthumously won by Thomas Wilson, who received a framed photo of @visitduloc for his habits. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Headline Moment of the Year sponsored by TPR was nominated as the moment Ryan Anand was throttled on the pitch by an opposition player. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Award for Best Dresser sponsored by Swaz went to @visitduloc, who received a selection of Lego shaped crayons. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Rob Green Award for Goalkeeping Excellence was shared by @PicardyBreezer, @MrSelfDistract & @FreeWuLei. Scott was awarded an assortment of random badges, Harlan an Austrian poncho, & we’d run out of prizes so Max walked away with a great deal of pride. #CrystalClearAmbition
The Hector Bellerin award for Luscious Locks was duly awarded to @cdwwilliams, who was handed a 30cm ruler displaying all EU member states for his appearance. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
The Bayern Munich award for Outstanding Aggression was awarded to Ryan Anand, who took home a creamy coconut face pack for his tenacity. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
POTY Awards: We are belatedly revealing the winners of our first, and to date only POTY awards. #CrystalClearAmbition #COYP
Our final match of the season saw the Dickies slip and slide to an 11-5 defeat against the Official Top Lads of Lichfield last Monday. We are now into a hard earned summer break before pre-season returns. #CrystalClearAmbition #WAP #COYP
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