Awkward Dave @Awkwarddave69
Can't handle social situations. Resorts to complaining when encountering new experiences. Has 5 answers to all that life throws at him. Anti-Christ of fun. Joined October 2012-
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Followers6
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"so I dropped my pencil and when I picked I up my teacher bit her lip at me.....pls don't rape me" #TakeAnumber #thirstyhoes #ratchet
No knife to spread jam on toast? Use coins. No knife to cut open lemons? Use scissors. #whenlifegivesyou #resourceful
I'm shopping for a new water cooler. Does anyone know how cold is 5 degree water? #seriously
Beijing is really cold, decided to run hot water in the shower to warm my room. Also placed bucket of hot water next to my bed. #trustme
Just got red wine and plastic cups. Having a difficult time finding foie gras or pâté somewhere in chinese supermarkets. #suavemodedisengage
I don't have a butter knife, instead I boil my coins to spread jam on my bread. #commoncents
Not that this happened to me- don't mistake your glue-stick for lip balm. Your mouth can actually get glued shut. #mylipshurt
Girl sat down in empty seat next to me. starts stretching. please keep your boobs to yourself. #learn2stretch #awkwardmuch
Got a water cooler, turned it on without putting water on top. Almost caught on fire since it heated up nothing. #learn2germanengineer
I once had a #venusflytrap, i stopped feeding it one day since I got lazy. God I miss her. #lostlove
Didn't bother buying a tack board. I instead reinvented it. Tape and paper clamps. #renaissance #rebirthstevejobs
Bought a plant today, this should sequester all of the carbon dioxide in my room. It will also humidify. Go science!
My beer doesn't taste good..but I have to keep holding on to it so I don't look like some faggot without a drink. #cooldude #notabitch
Realized I couldn't bring my coffee into the bar 6 blocks away. "Everyone stop moving until I'm finished drinking." #IfIcantpartynobodycan
Going to a bar tonight while jet lagged, ladies better be ready to work for my cock because I'm too tired to move. #Wantsmyd
Just hanging out in whistler #imgay(imhappy) #fashionista #catwalk #hitemeabercrombie
*looks at 75$ price tag on shoe* "Is this for one shoe or for both shoes?"
Assumed all black people in Bamba are french. Met a girl from "C.C". She's really from Washington DC. I pretended I was French for the night
The Norwegian girl in my class sewed my button on my jacket. #wantsmyd
I decided to stream Pokemon with chinese dub and chinese sub instead of going to speaking class. #fuckclasses #agedoesntmatter
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