B-Rad.GoHogs! @BDBHogz
A scholarman and gentile... wait, that's not right Dallas Joined April 2009-
Tweets340
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Followers40
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Following212
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Likes235
Just spilled beer down my chin but caught it with my cleavage like a goddamn lady
I have always wondered what real life slutty nurses dress up like on Halloween.
I'm just a guy standing in front of a burrito with a raging boner.
Every time I use a heart emoticon on the Internet, I can hear my dad calling me a fag from beyond the grave.
If women gave blowjobs as well or in the qty described on Twitter, there would be world peace. Just saying.
Sometimes being pretty just isn't enough. That's why I watch football and give head.
*puts on fake beard and adult clothes, walks into gas station* "ahem, yes, and I'll take a box of those wiener condoms too please"
*long pause* Define 'slutty.'
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
I don't wanna be mean but my 8 yr old son is being an asshat. If he doesn't quit, I'm gonna throat punch him.
Grandma: My knees hurt. Grandpa: *smiles and winks* *Everyone at the dinner table pukes* Grandma: Could’ve just said you hate my cooking!
My wife gave me a 'Free Blowjob' coupon good anytime the kids aren't home. So I'll be using that little motherfucker in about 14 years!
I use the worst dry cleaner ever... They shrink my pants a bit more every time I get them cleaned. Bastards. In light of this... Donut!
Stacy's dad is really getting tired of that whore wife of his.
Contractor said it was a "Load bearing wall" and I said "Just how much semen do you think it can handle?"
Petippy @petippy84680
42 Followers 2K Following
Pereynee @pereynee82434
14 Followers 2K Following
LisaDomina @LisaDom64280536
86 Followers 905 Following Cats, books and latex underwear 😈 !! Backup account, follow my main : @Your_Lisa_Heart
Gabrielle Thomson @udesaak
113 Followers 1K Following
Jamie Fulton @JmeFulton
55 Followers 369 Following I am your typical Texas Brown Eyed Girl! I am a Christian Mother ❤️; and a Freelance Makeup Artist who enjoys Makeup, Fashion and Trends!!!
Vices I Admire @vicesiadmire
2K Followers 3K Following Alt-rock from Denver, CO | Latest album: https://t.co/SjbcqQnp4U || New album on 12/4/15 || #horror #music #rawk #groovy #davewins #gitsum #danzen
Special Quotes @_Quotes_2008
45 Followers 278 Following
Phil Dozer @PhilDozer33
46 Followers 76 Following Sometimes when you bring the thunder ... you get lost in the storm
Rita @RitaMay51
29 Followers 84 Following
Cody Lowe @CoLowe_9
41 Followers 149 Following
Haley May @HaleyMay3
188 Followers 299 Following it's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see...
Jigged Out Trader @dimples231023
123 Followers 312 Following Winning and Losing is all part of the game. Join the discord to chat about stonks!
Bohemian Princess @Boho_princess2
10K Followers 3K Following 25• Sagittarius• Taken❤️• Free Spirit• Self-taught artist• Coffee lover• (Avi is NOT me)
Sweet and Sassy❤ @Sweet_Girl1216
949 Followers 984 Following
Sean @seanfoulsean
200 Followers 671 Following
Farmer Patty @TrishiWeav
18K Followers 21K Following and then you go and spoil it all by being such a shady mother fucker. 🎶🎶🎶 Mother fucker.
Clara Wincek @ClaraGenevieve
47 Followers 83 Following Boise State Bronco. Future Teacher. Dancer. Food Junkie. Girlfriend. Aunt. Laugher.
Ashlee Buchert @AshleeBuchert
2K Followers 2K Following APD/Presenter for PowderBlue Productions! Fitness Instructor/ Personal Trainer for over 6 years. Team Beachbody coach; Fitness is my love and my life!
Soggy Bone Syndrome @self_fulfilling
149 Followers 705 Following
Candice Duncan @Ms_C_Duncan
50 Followers 233 Following
Charlie 👑🐀 @CharlieDayQuote
239K Followers 39K Following Hilarious Charlie and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia quotes tweeted daily! Unofficial fan operated account.
Club Lush @479ClubLush
331 Followers 573 Following
Domain Fayetteville @DomainArkansas
235 Followers 483 Following The Domain at Fayetteville is the newest and most UPSCALE student housing community serving The University of Arkansas. Coming Fall 2013!
Random Funny Tweets @TastyPigeonFeet
235 Followers 753 Following Random tweets that will make you smile
Jennifer Keeler @jenkeeler13
22 Followers 44 Following
Jayme @JaymeSingleton
73 Followers 191 Following
Toadies (Official) @thetoadies
13K Followers 7K Following 25+ years making "Pixies meets Metallica” rock music out of Fort Worth, Texas.
jasonrmoses @jasonrmoselid
94 Followers 1K Following
Rock City Outfitters @RockCityTees
4K Followers 2K Following Semi-pro t-shirt designer. Accomplished beer drinker. Arkansas Parallel Parking Champion 2004-2011. 48th funniest Twitter account in Arkansas. I'd follow me.
Ha Vernon @vernonha
33 Followers 303 Following
Bunny Furr @BFurr
17 Followers 18 Following I love going to church, running, reading, and learning new things. I'm usually always smiling. Sometimes don't know why, but it seems to help.:)
Christy Abbott @christynyoung
246 Followers 288 Following Marketer. Baker. Shoe-shopper Extraordinaire. Sports Fanatic. Coca-Cola addict. Recent STL transplant
Iliza Shlesinger @iliza
240K Followers 445 Following THE GET READY TOUR coming to a city NEAR YOU | See me on tour https://t.co/oRhcE12b0C | Text me: 323-370-4480
Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds
21.5M Followers 2K Following owner: @aviationgin - @MintMobile - @maximumeffort - @Wrexham_AFC
Cody Lowe @CoLowe_9
41 Followers 149 Following
CarolineBergEriksen @BergCaroline
13 Followers 7 Following
Natasha Leggero @natashaleggero
354K Followers 946 Following The Honeymoon Stand up Special on Netflix. Book: The World Deserves MY Children out now! The Endless Honeymoon Podcast on YouTube
Chris D'Elia @chrisdelia
881K Followers 840 Following Twitter is free. You want good shit, pay for it. https://t.co/jHEfMX2ZSZ
Whitney Cummings @WhitneyCummings
1.4M Followers 1K Following WHITNEY CUMMINGS: JOKES is now streaming on Netflix. New BIG BABY tour dates on sale at https://t.co/KneKHPWO3z. Good For You podcast.
Judd Apatow 🇺🇦 @JuddApatow
2.3M Followers 2K Following
Holly Marie Combs @H_Combs
836K Followers 1K Following https://t.co/UG4hue7lKe. https://t.co/DM0vIkpC7V
Alyssa Milano @Alyssa_Milano
3.4M Followers 7K Following 💎 NOT PAYING FOR A BLUE CHECK MARK! Check out @sorrynotsorry @NoRA4USA Please follow my other account for career updates @AlyssaDotCom Text Me: (323)396-9923
Bohemian Princess @Boho_princess2
10K Followers 3K Following 25• Sagittarius• Taken❤️• Free Spirit• Self-taught artist• Coffee lover• (Avi is NOT me)
Sweet and Sassy❤ @Sweet_Girl1216
949 Followers 984 Following
GetCougarized @GetCougarized
12K Followers 715 Following I'm on Twitter hiatus. I WILL BE BACK, so stay tuned... In the meantime, find me on Instagram: @GETCOUGARIZED
Farmer Patty @TrishiWeav
18K Followers 21K Following and then you go and spoil it all by being such a shady mother fucker. 🎶🎶🎶 Mother fucker.
Julie Rasmussen (Tayl.. @JulieRasmussen
15K Followers 8K Following 100% Gobbledygook! | Boss of @ALBTMdotCOM | Mostly Cat Pics on Instagram: @JulieLynnRasmussen | Mostly Cat Pics on Facebook @JulieRasmussen | I Love Cats |
That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage
20K Followers 19K Following The not so exaggerated tales of Married Life
Smart Gift List @SmartGiftList
61K Followers 3K Following Spreading Christmas cheer all year around. Join the fun and make an awesome Christmas List @ https://t.co/I4r3Fp7WPu :)
Asia Anastasia ☼☽ @AsiaAnastasia_
139K Followers 96 Following ...creating, singing, dancing, exploring 𓆉
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
Amy Schumer @amyschumer
4.2M Followers 2K Following 2022 tour dates on sale now! Get tickets here: https://t.co/7eyPdjXFYK
Jeff Ross @realjeffreyross
837K Followers 2K Following “Bumping Mics” “Historical Roasts” “Jeff Ross Roasts Criminals” Alopecia advocacy: https://t.co/LpQck3RhiO
AmberTozer @AmberTozer
55K Followers 2K Following Author of SOBER STICK FIGURE - a dark and silly story about alcoholism https://t.co/kXc0LPQ5PH
Doug Benson @DougBenson
721K Followers 710 Following Free podcasts: @DougLovesMovies & @WIDEWORLD0DOUGS GDWH on Patreon for only $4.20/month. https://t.co/h5TSWUbCfz https://t.co/mFxyG8qFq1 for tour dates
Kamarra Buening @kamhoppe
375 Followers 396 Following
Albert Brooks @AlbertBrooks
1.6M Followers 1 Following Filmmaker, actor, author Albert Brooks. Originally joined Twitter to promote my book. Now trapped. Can't get out. HELP. https://t.co/UJ2cdAYZ57
Ashley Williams @AshWilliams04
140 Followers 244 Following Be yourself. Everyone else is taken. -Oscar Wilde
yoyoha @yoyoha
67K Followers 1K Following i'm just a boy, standing in front of the internet, asking it to love him.
LP @Pierced_Off
306 Followers 377 Following If you're reading this... You're wasting valuable seconds of your life.. Go do something productive
...Madam Daze... @madam_daze
10K Followers 5K Following
Lucky lady @Bahstonlady
12K Followers 10K Following
Woah Boy @WoahBoyMusic
5K Followers 5K Following Just some guy struggling to survive in this Post-Tupacalyptic world
Hey @VancityReynolds - got you something for your birthday I know you're really going to like. Cue the music! #iceicebaby
You lost your phone 3 hours ago. You realize it's been in a Burger King bathroom that entire time. What do you do?
Friend wore 3 inch mini skirt to bar: Her: "By the way, how do I look?" Me: "Well, your vagina looks super."
I'll never stop loving you... wait, what? You put the toilet paper on the roll so it feeds from the bottom? Get the fuck out of my sight!!
Haven't done UFF in a bit. So, I think I will now. Under followed Friday! You tweet your OWN shit? Have under 1k followers? Star this
I can't drive past someone mowing grass without flinching because I think at that exact moment, a rock will shoot out and kill me.
Hey you in the sons of Anarchy hoodie...... Take it off so I can see what color tap out shirt you got on today.
*Runs up to nerd and rips off front shirt pocket. "Pocket protector my ass!" skips away thoroughly satisfied.*
This toilet paper is so soft that it feels like my butthole just got fingered by a Care Bear.
Saw this boy fingerblasting this girl by the dumpster behind the mall today and thought-"see, romance isn't dead"
If you could choose between ending World Hunger or Bill Gates' money, what color would your Lamborghini be?
Wow, I feel like a bag of flaming dog shit today. Yayyyy...meh...
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.
Hugging the coffee maker until the urge to trip my kids as they run by passes.
She's in my phone contacts list as ANAL LOVING COUGAR. She's in yours as MOM.
AUTO EXEC: Make it so the rear windows only roll down halfway. ENGINEER: Why? AUTO EXEC: I don’t know, fuck ‘em.
I need a personal assistant, mostly for housework & oral sex.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I Segway past you again?
Relationship status: At LensCrafters trying on black framed hot chick glasses and asking the employees "But would you fuck me?"
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