Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes
Best dad jokes on twitter - we’re also on Instagram and Facebook. linktr.ee/dadjokeslinks Joined September 2017-
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I started reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is about to happen - can feel it.
I'm retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and am tired again today.
When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm. I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted. Turns out that is 9 pm.
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was "It's worth it to spend money on good speakers." That was some sound advice.
How do you get down from an elephant? You don’t. You get down from a goose.
I went out with a one legged girl once who worked in a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.
The word queue is ironic. It's just a 'q' with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line.
I woke up to drink some water in the middle of the night and I accidentally ate a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
3 years ago I married my best friend... My girlfriend was angry but Dave and me thought it was hilarious.
What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction? Wander woman.
A B-flat, a E-flat and a G-flat walk into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry I don't serve minors".
What have you got if you have too many knights? A sir-plus.
We should be able to call in healthy: “I'm not coming in today. I feel really good and I don't want to waste it on being at work.”
My newborn is thrilled to finally have some more space to stretch out. He was running out of womb.
How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.
At the Olympics I saw an athlete carrying a long stick and asked him: "Are you a pole vaulter?" He replied: "No I'm German but how do you know my name is Walter?"
It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay or bisexual. At the end of the day, it's night.
FilmSeal @filmseal_
24K Followers 64 Following Your go-to source for all things movies and series. 🎬 Will the films earn our 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐥 of approval? 👀🦭Vaad HaBadchanim (not.. @VaadHaBadchanim
8K Followers 507 Following The VHB is a group of Twitter Badchanim who are committed to keeping #Frumtwitter a safe space. #FTOTY2022Moshe Kolat @moshe_kolat
4K Followers 774 Following All wordwork and no wordplay, makes Jack a dull boyYagdil Isn't Brisk @Briskerov
7K Followers 295 Following 🎗️Jewish, humor & memes. I once wrote an article in the @JewishPress. Co founder of @notthevaad and @yeshivishirts. an @associatedfress corresponded.Alex | For The Dad @forthedad_
638 Followers 1K Following Dad Joke Champion. Trophy Husband. 4x Dad of the Year. Click the link for merch ⬇️Angie Lyn @Angie081605
239 Followers 236 Followingmaryjo. @maryjofryyy
326 Followers 115 FollowingThe Holy Cow, פרה .. @TURXJOKES
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839 Followers 629 Following doet al eens grappig op een podium | improvisatiespeler @bilvzw| stand-up comedian | Dog dadSercan Koç @srcnkoc
13 Followers 114 FollowingNate Benke @BenkeNate
395 Followers 736 Following Drug dealer who Jesus never gave up on and totally changed. NAMB missionary for over 20 years. Author Revival Principles “Fix Your Eyes On Jesus” on YouTubeAlice Linda @AliceLinda30736
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6K Followers 6K Following I’ve come here to chew bubblegum and shitpost. And I’m all outta bubblegum.James Faulkner @TallApproved
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91 Followers 58 Following ROCK AND ROLL, BABY 🎸🎶 | former member of The Glenn Close Trio | whatever pronouns 🤟🏼 | pfp by my amazing son 🐀Donovan Smith @Equa_Libriun
1 Followers 50 FollowingInvestor Closeau @towkaykecil
141 Followers 198 Following Asymmetric Ideas. Curious about Charts. Behavioral Finance. All views expressed are my own. The game's afoot, filled with goof ups.Andrea Allegrini @AndreAllegrini
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18 Followers 123 FollowingLloyd R @Lloydphotos
0 Followers 45 FollowingNell @nellhalford
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169 Followers 521 FollowingWisdom @Wisdom08825044
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34 Followers 73 FollowingKyle Burke @KBur05
24 Followers 180 FollowingChris Arent @aintisntArent
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0 Followers 14 FollowingGian Ferreira @Giancapistao
8 Followers 11 FollowingKevin @KHHopkins
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4 Followers 22 FollowingIndira @_indiraki
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167 Followers 273 FollowingMike Giuliano @DrMikeG83
273 Followers 658 Following Girl Dad. Husband. Bioorganic chemist. Associate Professor at the College of Charleston. Philly sports fan. Any and all opinions are my own. he/him/hisArthur Ridder @ArthurRidder
379 Followers 600 Following Love all, trust a few. I’m here for a good time, not a long time. Joshua 1:9Silvio Roberto @spereiradacosta
174 Followers 2K FollowingKevin Rathbun @KRRathbun
54 Followers 596 FollowingDavid Pausky @Dgpaws92
34 Followers 249 Following Love Texas and all things in it! Father to three amazing children, and high school teacher. Married to a wonderful wife! God has blessed me more than I deserve!Shane @langenbrunner16
29 Followers 121 FollowingAmeil J. Joseph Ph.D... @ajesusjoseph
8K Followers 2K Following Associate Professor, School of Social Work, McMaster University. #racism #mentalhealth #migration #criminalization #anticolonial [email protected] 🇬🇾Judy Knust @KnustJudy46671
2 Followers 213 Followingjp76 @jp76ballsdeep
65 Followers 425 FollowingThe Commissioner @Gridiron620
39 Followers 192 Following Just a kid from KC trying to live life, love others, and enjoy the Super Bowl every year if we have to.Bill Alphenaar @BillAlphenaar
165 Followers 102 Following History buff & motorcycle touring all 50 StatesBrad Krenicky SR @BradKrenicky
108 Followers 553 Following --Proud Dad to 2 fine young men --Penn State Dad --Plymouth Twp Public Works Dept --Born in Greensburg, PA, I bleed Black & Gold -- OPINIONS ARE *ONLY* MINEChuck Finley @Caxe_Finley
273 Followers 794 FollowingAindrika Ray @AindrikaR37750
0 Followers 4 FollowingFilmSeal @filmseal_
24K Followers 64 Following Your go-to source for all things movies and series. 🎬 Will the films earn our 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐥 of approval? 👀🦭place where animal sh.. @catshouldnt
1.6M Followers 134 Following Best cat page on 𝕏 . DM for credit/removalSamuel Pepys @samuelpepys
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175 Followers 2 Following Everyone is entitled to an opinion, It’s a No Brainer 🚫🧠 #NoBraineraayu @aayurthd
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82 Followers 22 Following Bringing Entertainment and News to a community of more than 95 million https://t.co/LAKY00pXZ6Gary Lineker @GaryLineker
8.9M Followers 1K Following Once kicked a ball about. Now talk about kicking a ball about. The Rest Is Football @restisfootball @Goalhangerpods ..Instagram . Retweets are not endorsementsBabayagah😏 @babayagah7
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52K Followers 1K Following The original dad collection, bringing dad culture to the blockchain since Sept. 2021. Discord: https://t.co/attiNVRxHsFootball Newz @FootballNewzIG
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213K Followers 1 Following Videos with text, sometimes reaction pictures...I do not own any rights to content posted (parody)CNN Breaking News @cnnbrk
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521 Followers 9 Following 🐶Posting the best Animal videos on instagram 🙊 🐱 Funny videos 📧 contact - [email protected]Thomas Power @thomaspower
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29K Followers 5K Following Official G'EVOLs NFT Twitter Account. 8888 Generative'EVOL'sCarl Bovis @CarlBovisNature
185K Followers 118K Following On a mission to make the world love birds! 😍 Author and photographer of the books '100 Birds' & '100 More Birds', which you can buy here; ⬇️🐦Jim Moir @JamesMoir10
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242K Followers 1K Following Presenter & Investigations Editor, Channel 4 News; Presenter, Times Radio; Insta cathynewmanc4 Agent https://t.co/V2hQRwCM2X Threads @cathynewmanc4Robert Peston @Peston
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414 Followers 374 Following I swear by almighty Twitter to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me social media!' retweet’s not always = I condone the messageStumbler Popular @StumblerPopular
555K Followers 62 Following Discover Amazing Videos. Never Be Bored.@Dadsaysjokes Which orange came first? The fruit or the color?
Warner Bros has partnered with AI company Futureverse to make ‘Ready Player One’ a real thing
Ready for a new way to do business? NEOM is changing the game. #WhatisNEOM
Domino’s employee successfully delivers a pizza at the summit of Mount Fuji
The use of LinkedIn as a dating platform is becoming more popular among Gen Z
Stunning video captures the moment 3 Bear cubs spot a Bison for the first time.
@Dadsaysjokes That’s affair reaction.
Newborn baby rescued by stray dog after being abandoned in trash