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Tweets3K
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Followers25K
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Following0
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Likes3K
Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They're calling it the Apollo G.
Why don't people in Athens like watching the sunrise? Cuz dawn is tough on Greece
When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.
What is the first thing that Adam said to Eve in the Garden? You had better move back, I am not sure how big this thing gets.
I got fined by the city for illegally fixing the potholes on the streets by my house! I can’t really blame them though… Its my own asphalt.
At supper, my daughter slides her empty milk glass over to me. "Dad, can I get another glass?" Me: "No, I think we should just re-fill this one"
When I was a young boy the doctor told me I had a lazy eye.. by the time I was 50 it had spread to the rest of my body.
What mountain got a 100% on the exam? Mount Cleverest.
My German friend dropped me off at the airport and said: "Gute Fahrt!" I replied: "I don't smell anything, must have been you. Thanks for the ride!"
I once dated a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops
One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar. That's when I realized my whole life was a joke.
Call the bowling alley. Ask if they have 16 pound balls. They'll say yes. Then say "How the heck do you walk?"
I like my coffee like my women Secretly alcoholic.
What do you call a man with a 2 inch penis? Justin.
What question should you NEVER ask a Geologist? Are these Tectonic Plates dish washer safe?
Yesterday a policeman knocked on my door and told me he was looking for a burglar with one eye I immediately advise him to also open the other eye for more clarity.
Did you hear about the latest James Bond movie where he procrastinates about coloring his hair? It's called Dye Another Day
What do you call a guy with his head stuck in the toilet? Lou…
What exam do 100% of women fail? A prostate exam.
Robert Quadrini @BobQuadrini
65 Followers 83 Following
Adrian Kruschke @AdrianKruschke
32 Followers 363 Following
Roy @RoyRoyjh18
9 Followers 73 Following
Me @drifter09876
100 Followers 1K Following
Unterlenker @BorisHendrik
218 Followers 158 Following blogger, cyclist, father, husband, office worker
Stuart Chinery @OneLumpOrStu
151 Followers 776 Following Spend most of the time wishing things were a little less shit. Likes 🍺 🤘🏻⚽️ #COYS
Darryl Wilson. @wilson_coachdad
65 Followers 48 Following Loving husband and father❤️. Stay at home coach dad⚽️🏈. Joshua 1:9🪽He/Him🕶️
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22 Followers 400 Following
Dan Misitigh @dmisitig
80 Followers 534 Following Proud husband, Proud Dad of 4, Stow Youth Baseball, FI advocate, Coach/Teacher
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245 Followers 1K Following MCFC, food & cocktails, motorcycles, guitars, and family
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228 Followers 279 Following
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35 Followers 73 Following
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2 Followers 48 Following
NotMyBoobs.🇵🇸 �.. @LethuLet5
400 Followers 1K Following Akusiwo Awami amabele. Translation - Not My Boobs.
Estril @Estril0
16 Followers 267 Following Coors Banquet. Menthol Cigarettes. Seattle Mariners. Punk Rock.
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20 Followers 199 Following
EqualityThe1942Way @1942Equality
1 Followers 26 Following
MHiggins @Higgs886
43 Followers 1K Following
Greg 👍 @Piano0nhead
14 Followers 357 Following Real name is Brandon, can play Bohemian Rhapsody on the piano and may post proof if I hit 100 oomfs.
Rene @ReneTheTruth88
4 Followers 171 Following
Thomas Briggs @ThomasBriggs4
72 Followers 91 Following follower of American sports and have the best two children in the world
zeroonefournine 🇺�.. @velocity_time
1K Followers 5K Following Christian. Patriot. Veteran. Opinions are my own.
Jim @gnumann1
1 Followers 74 Following
𝔅𝔯𝔞𝔡 🇺.. @bpridgeo
20K Followers 19K Following NW FL Native in SC. Sr Software Engineer. FSU alum - Clemson - Military - LEOs - EMS - USA! RT 🚫 endorsement. Very married. 🚫 DMs! Opinions mine. 🇺🇲🇮🇱🇬🇧
Michael Milliken @WhiteKhone
40 Followers 134 Following Graphic designer👨🎨, 3d printer⚙️, gamer👾, nerd🤓, daddy👨👧👦, educator👨🏻🏫, coach 🏈 🤼 ⚾️, & lots of other things!
Delisha @Delisha63461905
0 Followers 1 Following
Tim Feltmeyer @TFeltmeyer20312
9 Followers 144 Following
Best Hubcaps @RushtonBrown
279 Followers 125 Following
Lou @loufreyes
119 Followers 178 Following mom, grandma, nurse, business person, dog lover maybe cats too, mandalorian, code black, dick wolf shows, Orville, blue bloods, Trekkie fan .... tweet-ter.
Marc Hovanessian @Hov0116
4 Followers 145 Following
Samantha @sammysammyantha
0 Followers 31 Following
Meade Barnes @BarnesMead60434
1 Followers 24 Following
Richard Nyikos @RichardNyikos
2 Followers 18 Following
Robby @RobbyRagner
11 Followers 106 Following
TOOWISERAPSHIT @toowiserap41108
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Tony Crespo @tcresponj
5 Followers 106 Following
Ogtem @Ogtem45
53 Followers 48 Following
B Baer @chirpcheepcheep
82 Followers 231 Following
A vr gamer @A_VR_gamer1965
29 Followers 57 Following You don't need to follow me.. You don't need to follow anybody..You've got to think for yourself...You're all individualsNasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They're calling it the Apollo G.
Why don't people in Athens like watching the sunrise? Cuz dawn is tough on Greece
When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.
What is the first thing that Adam said to Eve in the Garden? You had better move back, I am not sure how big this thing gets.
I got fined by the city for illegally fixing the potholes on the streets by my house! I can’t really blame them though… Its my own asphalt.
At supper, my daughter slides her empty milk glass over to me. "Dad, can I get another glass?" Me: "No, I think we should just re-fill this one"
When I was a young boy the doctor told me I had a lazy eye.. by the time I was 50 it had spread to the rest of my body.
What mountain got a 100% on the exam? Mount Cleverest.
My German friend dropped me off at the airport and said: "Gute Fahrt!" I replied: "I don't smell anything, must have been you. Thanks for the ride!"
I once dated a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops
One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar. That's when I realized my whole life was a joke.
Call the bowling alley. Ask if they have 16 pound balls. They'll say yes. Then say "How the heck do you walk?"
I like my coffee like my women Secretly alcoholic.
What do you call a man with a 2 inch penis? Justin.
What question should you NEVER ask a Geologist? Are these Tectonic Plates dish washer safe?
Yesterday a policeman knocked on my door and told me he was looking for a burglar with one eye I immediately advise him to also open the other eye for more clarity.
Did you hear about the latest James Bond movie where he procrastinates about coloring his hair? It's called Dye Another Day
What do you call a guy with his head stuck in the toilet? Lou…
What exam do 100% of women fail? A prostate exam.
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