Fat Cat @FatCat_Problems
I'm just an obese feline who wishes to tell you of my woes. Laying Somewhere Joined December 2011-
Tweets29
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Followers35
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Following34
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Likes0
Took some bath salts today in hopes of craving human flesh. Ended up eating my weight in saltines and occasionally licking my owner's face.
Sorry I've been away for so long, guys. I've been busy redefining #YOLO. #YouOnlyLiveNineTimes
Tried celebrating KU's victory last night by offering to eat the entire Kentucky basketball team, but apparently they're not made of catnip.
#ItsThatTimeOfYearAgain where I try to sneak chicken wings off of drunk people's plates. Wish me luck! #SuperBowlofPopcorn
Sorry I haven't tweeted in a while. I got wedged in between my owners bed and the wall trying to get an old cheeto and I couldn't get out.
I'm the new spokescat for Fresh Step kitty litter. I need all the free litter I can get. Eating this fancy feast slop makes me shit bricks.
I dont have any #MiddleSchoolMemories because I am a fucking cat.
My owner bought me all natural healthy cat food. I threw that shit up in her shoe. #revenge
My owner's niece just came into town. Time to wedge myself behind the dryer and live off of dryer lint for the next 6 days. #fatcatproblems
Sometimes I'm envious of the cats who can lick their own butt holes. #fatcatproblems
Got my head stuck in the food bowl again. You'd think my owner would have learned that my tight food schedule knows no bounds. #TUNA
My favorite part of weekends? Lapping up the spilled tequila from the kitchen floor. Least favorite? My owner is too hungover to feed me.
I always have to use the dog scale at the vet because I'm too big for the cat one. #fatcatproblems
#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen your owner looks everywhere in panic for her new kitten, and you realize that you accidentally sat on it.
My owner sprayed water in my face for being on the kitchen counter. I was just happy that I could still jump up that high. #fatcatproblems
My owner finally turned off Lifetime, rolled out of bed and left the house today. Time for some "me" time.
qioauwesl;jkmncnowixe;fnlQ, Sorry, my belly fat got stuck on the keyboard. #fatcatproblems
My owner went to the grocery store and I asked for Cheetos. She came back with diet cat food. #fatcatproblems
My owner only feeds me 3 times a day. #fatcatproblems
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