Heimish Humor @HeimishHumor
Joined April 2021-
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On Yom Kippur it's like, sure they're fasting, but they're not suffering enough. Jews love sitting and hate standing. OPEN THE ARK.
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After the shofar blasts the siddur will say something like "confess silently." I always have weird ones like, "I'm sorry for making fun of people who kiss their cell phones after davening from them."
We really should just let that flotilla land in Gaza and then watch as mobs raid and destroy their ships and steal the food, supplies, and radios. Then we can let the voyagers try to make their way to the safety of Israel's borders as they're captured one by one and held hostage.
Who called it blowing shofar in shul and not community notes?
The world's utter obsession with the moral actions of the Jews really makes me think we are the Chosen People.
El Al airlines: "Chicken or fish?" "Chicken." "Wrong, it's fish.
You almost never see the destruction or casualties from other wars in the media. Have you seen a single blown up building or dead body from a U.S. drone strike or from Yemen or Ukraine or China or anywhere else? Generally, the media only shows footage of destroyed structures and…
During the Ten Days of Repentance one should be especially careful not to speak Lashon Hara. It's like, "Come on guys, can't you wait until after Yom Kippur to tell me this juicy gossip?"
"Let me get this straight. You love spicy foods, you hate gefilte fish, you love rice, and you hate chumras, and you converted Ashkenazi?!"
Coming out of the mikveh Erev Yom Kippur.
Proverbs 6:16, "There are six things the Lord hates, and a seventh is an abomination for his soul." "SIX SEVEN!"
I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but it's almost like the more people you bring in from countries that hate Israel, the more antisemitism increases.
"Before Yom Kippur I listen to a performance by Nat King Cole and Ray Charles." "Why?" "Cole need Ray."
Heimish Humor retweeted
Do the math Jew-haters. According to official figures, 66,414 Palestinians have died (including tens of thousand of Hamas fighter, as well as natural deaths from the elderly). Based on the estimated 2022 population in Gaza of just under 2 million, the number of annual…
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