The Helpful Cactus @Helpful_Cactus
Simple, helpful advice and facts to improve your life. Joined January 2016-
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I want an Allegiant Airlines credit card and this jacket. Then I’ll be happy.
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Wrestling is pretty much what gays do—half naked…all twisted up with another man for sport….
People in Chicago are either murdering or getting murdered. That’s what it is. If you’re a Chicag, you’re having something to do with murder.
It’s like a rave, except it’s daylight and I’m in my front yard.
Your local county fair is Dollywood for meth heads.
When you’re bowling, make sure the ball doesn’t go in the gooch.
If you piss for long time, that means you have a big water tank onboard. onboard your body… big body water tank boy.
There’s a WHOLE MEATLOAF in the trash can. Someone had a whole LOAF of just PURE MEAT and actually THREW it AWAY. DAG IT BRIAN.
No one wants parking lot hibachi. Is hibachi Japanese? Also, what do you call it when you put someone’s head in a toilet? Oh yes. Give the Japanese a swirly.
Denny and Bob Evans are just two guys trying to make breakfast. Let them be.
I’ve decided I’m not going to screw with the airlines ever again.
Is frozen pizza just an Italian popsicle? Italians are slippery blokes.
People who hit their brakes on the interstate for no reason should have their cars and their feet confiscated.
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Russell Wilson @DangeRussWilson
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