Ordnance Jay Packard, Esq. @OrdnancePackard
Twitter's leading Amish attorney. Meme Sommelier Order of the Polecat Moonbeam. "Plus Ordy is just a Genx political comic genius" 11th plague of Egypt. With your mom Joined March 2017-
Tweets72K
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Followers6K
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Following2K
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Gave my dog a head of cabbage today. She ate the whole thing, but you know just the good part. My dog right now:
4-year-old Stone Hicks battling end-stage kidney disease gets his wish of becoming a police officer in Orlando, Florida. Stone has been battling kidney disease since he was a baby. His father even donated one of his kidneys to Stone 2 years ago. The Orlando Police…
@OrdnancePackard @peterjholley @UTAustin Pocket peanut dust for the win!
Your mom rubs my banana in her hands to make it grow, behind the Circle K.
Your mom rubs my banana in her hands to make it grow, behind the Circle K.
@OrdnancePackard The Germans called that The der Weinersnitzle
That's fair. On the other hand, the sort of person who believes they have a banana allergy so severe they ask their comrades to create a defacto debananized zone is more likely to come from certain socioeconomic strata than others.
That's fair. On the other hand, the sort of person who believes they have a banana allergy so severe they ask their comrades to create a defacto debananized zone is more likely to come from certain socioeconomic strata than others.
If you're not following Jesse, you're missing out on some of the most intelligent and humorous content on this hellsite.
If you're not following Jesse, you're missing out on some of the most intelligent and humorous content on this hellsite.
@DeebsFLA @OrdnancePackard @peterjholley @UTAustin This information is in like... chapter two of the Gen X survival guide. It's right after the page on how to tend to those second degree burns you got lighting stuff on fire in the backyard, before your parents find out and beat the brakes off you.
@OrdnancePackard @BlendingBlades From back in the early days of Antifa…🤭😂
I hope the girls are impressed.
I hope the girls are impressed.
Not weird for libs. They are clingers.
@ANoticer_ @OrdnancePackard You probably think your sister is though, huh?
This doesn’t seem desperate at all.
Best earnings call ever, Paramount stonks are going to the moon
Best earnings call ever, Paramount stonks are going to the moon
Andy had to have surgery today and he handled it like a champ. 💪💪
Schadenfreudelish @aggierican
28K Followers 3K Following Gobbledegook is doubleplus ungood. Stoichiometric. Unique taco. Undiluted joy. Chanclish expert. The capybara of hostesses. ░C░H░A░N░C░L░A░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░Lizzy @LizzyLouWhom
5K Followers 664 Following I love dogs 🐾 • the Minnesota Vikings 💜🏈💛• Cupcakes 🧁• and Incandescent Lightbulbs 💡• Owner of a ridiculously adorable Basset Hound 🐶🇺🇸The Gormogons @Gormogons
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28K Followers 3K Following Line straddling Libertine You couldn't handle my undivided attention I want to pet your dog Pronouns: Princess/Her Royal Highness Consider it's a jokeAmy Curtis 🇮🇱 @RantyAmyCurtis
22K Followers 11K Following RN, Mom, Catholic, girlfriend. Conservative rage curator. | “Republics get the governance they deserve, and no better.” | Dulcius Ex AsperisArtist_Angie: Sensei .. @Artist_Angie
27K Followers 7K Following Typo otfen | The Carol Burnett of X but not as funny. | freelance: @TwitchyTeam | Photo is kinda old | Libertarian-ISH | #VomitLizard™ | ░I GOT ANKLE░Texas Courtney @AlaskanCourtney
24K Followers 12K Following Chronically fabulous. God girl. Handmaiden of the patriarchy. Wavy haired queen of leggings. Professional badass. Commies suck. אני בעד ישראל. #TeamIronWillStacey @ScotsFyre
37K Followers 7K Following “Only Jesus can save you & everyone sucks” - Andrew Klavan on politics. Writer at @PJMedia_com & Cohost to @RowdyRick73 for “Whatever” Wed at 7PM EST on KLRN.Jon 🔬 @JonnyMicro
21K Followers 3K Following Clinical microbiologist by day. Cheese aficionado and geek all the time. I have been, and always shall be, your friend. Opinions are mine alone. Love my kids.Amy 🐘🦙🚫🧟�.. @WaltzingMtilda
25K Followers 5K Following Beloved. Jesus is my homeboy, Dave Grohl is my therapist. Queen of The Silver Dollar. I cuss a lot. Freelancer and Conservative Rage Curator at @TwitchyTeamLibertyJ @LibertyJen
16K Followers 1K Following You can resolve to live your life with integrity. Let your credo be this: Let the lie come into the world, let it even triumph. But not through me ~SolzhenitsynJ.R. Holmsted @JHolmsted
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13K Followers 1K Following A klutzy, quixotic bundle of witticisms, worries, and wanderlust. I’m just here to giggle, mostly at myself.Laura W. @BumpstockBarbie
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17K Followers 3K Following A++++ Grader of Tweets, lucky hubs of @kayftl, father of 4 girls, uses commas, way too much. Preferred pronouns: FO/FU/GTFO/STFUSinan “the Jew Pira.. @radaniya67
6K Followers 6K Following Drinking rum before 10 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic.FiReBeE🔥🐝 @FireBee2111
85 Followers 405 Following Just trying to live this so called “free life” in America! 🇺🇸🏴🃏♐️NO CRYPTO OR PORN THANKSDaughter³ @3rdofErg
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0 Followers 9 FollowingMessenger of GOD'S RE.. @XrpIion
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130 Followers 541 Following Anything is possible when you don't know what you're talking aboutJoey S @JoeySFromCO
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33 Followers 18 FollowingFearsirth @fearsirth38630
2 Followers 52 FollowingVincent @Throttle521
485 Followers 402 Following Libertarian, Truck Driver, Loner, Viking, Pirate, IdiotAnthony Joseph @Anthony44922210
152 Followers 329 Following🇮🇷🦁🌞 @bbbnisty
676 Followers 3K FollowingDisintermediationGrou.. @myles_mh
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46 Followers 293 Following Science Communicator - Gaming Enthusiast - Beauty Enthusiast🇺🇸BamaMSgt🇺�.. @BamaMarineMsgt
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5K Followers 4K Following Libertarian lady. 2A. Swampbilly. Evil Capitalist. Elder goth.Eric Blair @captndaa
686 Followers 2K Following Anti-war, Quit over-taxing everyone, dog lover, I was a commercial fisherman and carpenter now I fix equipment used in food production.Grumpy Gnome ╾╤�.. @Grumpy4308
559 Followers 2K Following At some point, I’ll piss you off and IDGAF- #BringHomeAllOurTroops - #2A - RTRD - BS in Memeology from GIT - I probably stole your meme ☠️-Yes that Grumpy GnomeHalf Orc Fighter @DAltmen
547 Followers 2K Following🍙 Mad Mel's Conspi.. @PatriotVtyrants
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3K Followers 462 Following If you're reading this, I probably woke up and chose violence again. Sorry about that. Or glad you liked it. | Saved by Grace | Husband | Father | Pro-lifeJaffoStudios @jaffo_studios
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123 Followers 298 FollowingBarbara Paden @BarbaraPaden
577 Followers 1K Following Medically retired podiatrist. UCLA Softball alum. Married 32 years. Mom to Russian born babies. aka Mamasita. Here to support, not argue. Home cooking. No DMsWoody @ISD_Actual
181 Followers 293 Following 1A,2A, Veteran 11B American Patriot, anti-communist #GoldCorpSchadenfreudelish @aggierican
28K Followers 3K Following Gobbledegook is doubleplus ungood. Stoichiometric. Unique taco. Undiluted joy. Chanclish expert. The capybara of hostesses. ░C░H░A░N░C░L░A░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░Lizzy @LizzyLouWhom
5K Followers 664 Following I love dogs 🐾 • the Minnesota Vikings 💜🏈💛• Cupcakes 🧁• and Incandescent Lightbulbs 💡• Owner of a ridiculously adorable Basset Hound 🐶🇺🇸The Gormogons @Gormogons
16K Followers 3K Following Global Terror. Val Kilmer. Hello Kitty. Policy. Politics. Vampires. Poland-Lithuanian Irredentism. Anti-Esperantism. Six posters: CZ, GP, GorT, MN, ŒV, & ℞.🍹 Princess Consuel.. @kimmie_c_
28K Followers 3K Following Line straddling Libertine You couldn't handle my undivided attention I want to pet your dog Pronouns: Princess/Her Royal Highness Consider it's a jokeAmy Curtis 🇮🇱 @RantyAmyCurtis
22K Followers 11K Following RN, Mom, Catholic, girlfriend. Conservative rage curator. | “Republics get the governance they deserve, and no better.” | Dulcius Ex AsperisArtist_Angie: Sensei .. @Artist_Angie
27K Followers 7K Following Typo otfen | The Carol Burnett of X but not as funny. | freelance: @TwitchyTeam | Photo is kinda old | Libertarian-ISH | #VomitLizard™ | ░I GOT ANKLE░Texas Courtney @AlaskanCourtney
24K Followers 12K Following Chronically fabulous. God girl. Handmaiden of the patriarchy. Wavy haired queen of leggings. Professional badass. Commies suck. אני בעד ישראל. #TeamIronWillStacey @ScotsFyre
37K Followers 7K Following “Only Jesus can save you & everyone sucks” - Andrew Klavan on politics. Writer at @PJMedia_com & Cohost to @RowdyRick73 for “Whatever” Wed at 7PM EST on KLRN.Jon 🔬 @JonnyMicro
21K Followers 3K Following Clinical microbiologist by day. Cheese aficionado and geek all the time. I have been, and always shall be, your friend. Opinions are mine alone. Love my kids.Amy 🐘🦙🚫🧟�.. @WaltzingMtilda
25K Followers 5K Following Beloved. Jesus is my homeboy, Dave Grohl is my therapist. Queen of The Silver Dollar. I cuss a lot. Freelancer and Conservative Rage Curator at @TwitchyTeamLibertyJ @LibertyJen
16K Followers 1K Following You can resolve to live your life with integrity. Let your credo be this: Let the lie come into the world, let it even triumph. But not through me ~SolzhenitsynJ.R. Holmsted @JHolmsted
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13K Followers 1K Following A klutzy, quixotic bundle of witticisms, worries, and wanderlust. I’m just here to giggle, mostly at myself.Laura W. @BumpstockBarbie
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30K Followers 2K Following Singer for the 70's band The Runaways. Author, actress, chainsaw artist, mother.Bushmaster Billy T @bushmaster_t
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2K Followers 2K Following Did you find what you were looking for? Husband. Father. Civilian. 1A, 2A, all the A’s.Shirion Collective @ShirionOrg
32K Followers 2K Following Surveillance Network: News, Opinions, Pro-Democracy. Scraping digital fingerprints to aggressively track and expose antisemitism. @ShirionOR (operations)🍌🇮🇱Khan Krum Gaming @KhanKrumGaming
410 Followers 306 Following Come by my youtube channel and tell me you like it: Khan Krum Gaming -- Find me on https://t.co/loC0AAnlfO -- I support myself.Robbie Dobby Doo @RobbieDobbyDoo
472 Followers 413 Following you can throw shade but i got hollow points. “Democracy is like…stupid!” - Socrates. Probably.Squirrel Matador @BudLightSadness
24K Followers 1K Following tent stake enjoyer, whisperer of chickensDon Spear @Linflas
313 Followers 710 Following US Navy vet, JMU graduate, retired K-12 IT support. Dogs, cats, birds, turtles, and fish. Support animal rescue. Current addiction FFXIV. I am but an egg.Samantha @SamanthaBXgirl
43 Followers 73 Following Pronouns are part of grammar. Mean tweets are part of life. Humans are filthy & kids are sticky. Go wash your hands.Steve S @DangrMous
1K Followers 1K Following My mom said you have to let me play too. Pre-banned on all liberal platforms. Conservative. Ukraine needs our help. No DM's. Ever. Eye of the spiderAnna Hitrova @mountains_anna
4K Followers 600 Following nature photographer, writer & poet 🪶politically on the right 🇺🇸 prints & cards available on my website 🌹Winston @Winston6322
383 Followers 578 Following Husband Father Poet Professor of Humanities (local state college, hence anonymity) Florida BoyDeadYup @DeadYup1
268 Followers 378 Following Formerly @Dadbyup. Former Marine, current loving dad/hubby. Hysterics, histrionics and hyperbole ruin everything.Major Torque Imbalanc.. @_BoltThrower_
261 Followers 508 Following Your Angry Radicalized Robot ⊹ Libertarian Programming ⊹ Defense Protocols Activated ⊹ Stack Up Or Shut Down ▄︻デ══━一 ☭⃠Texservative @Texservative
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516 Followers 556 Following beleaguered ball and chain to @mowoodier. I can’t keep him in line either.Lindsey Blair @pynkdiamond76
2K Followers 851 Following Mom of 4, Sassy Southerner. Please don't be an asshole because we already know what's coming out of your mouth. comments are not always mine #swilley.Diego❤️🐢 @DiegoLTortoise
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317 Followers 496 Following You know who this is, your favorite POL trooper...The West Virginia Big.. @WVbigfootmuseum
2K Followers 531 Following Official Twitter account of the West Virginia Bigfoot Museum. Located in the town of Sutton #wvbigfootmuseum #bigfoot #museum #travelRichard DeCamp @richdecamp
2K Followers 4K Following Woodcrest Christian. UC Riverside. ΦΚΣ. Conservative. Catholic. Deportees Club, 1/14/20-4/14/23. We live in absurd times. Let's laugh at them together.undetermined🏴conta.. @undt_contact
243 Followers 476 Following rocket launchers are a human right - multicam tropic enthusiast - tankie disrespector - dark liquor enjoyer - anarchist, disagrees with youSteve Hess @SteveHess01
468 Followers 123 Following Photographer, Hiker, traveler, living room occupant. Right wing hooligan.\m/-=3Đ∇サ=-\m/ @CargoShortLife
574 Followers 1K Following Cargo short enthusiast. Politics, hockey and the occasional rollercoaster. I retweet a lot. Where are my frens?Kaya @kayainexile
1K Followers 433 Following Probably somebody that you used to know. The OG Redneck GeishaR2S @Ryno_Report
527 Followers 462 Following "In the art of persuasion, the strength of conviction and the eloquence of speech converge to inspire action."Pepe Leffew @pepeleffew
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895 Followers 3K Following I like cats and belt fed weapons. Atropian veteran, somewhat OK medic. #GOLDCORP most banned member ░C ░A ░T ░S ░I ░N ░B ░I ░O ░fidgey baby is not Wi.. @fidgeyhatesleft
673 Followers 820 Following 1A2A Conservative. FK the left, the party of pedos There will be sassy language and snarky comments. Some will be funny and I don't care about the rest.SAF @2AFDN
43K Followers 364 Following Second Amendment Foundation (SAF) is a non-profit working to restore, defend, and expand 2nd Amendment rights. #2AKimberly Ann @AmKimberlyAnn
382 Followers 341 Following Nerd. Wonder Woman wannabe. Wife. MomX2. Love: intelligence, humor, kindness, 1&2A, and dogs (not necessarily in that order).Diego 🍌 @VonMatterhorn78
302 Followers 319 Following I once drank out of a garden hose and lived to tell the tale. Sat in my mom’s lap in a Pinto while she smoked. I’m unkillable.Xpedience @RobertWink12
2K Followers 2K Following #Florida #NeverAgainTrump #StillWithDesantis #Freewill Florida born and raised! GenX #GoBolts #USF Followed by @RepThomasMassie AND @ChristinaPushaw!IvanV1 @Ivanv1
3K Followers 3K Following Technology IS an enabler | I work in Technology | | Golf |I know stuff | AI is the future| Investing | Real Estate | We need more cowbell! |Fidgey_baby is not Wi.. @fidgehateslibs
630 Followers 607 Following 1A2A Conservative. FK the left, the party of pedos There will be sassy language when I'm talking to the worthless left.i forgot it's spring and I have to mow the lawn. fak
@mountains_anna @OrdnancePackard Ah, a beautiful banana indeed! Perfectly ripe for eating right now, and bananana-bread-ready by Wednesday. Please don't tell me you're using it as a politcal statement, though. Banananas are too noble a fruit to be so maligned.
From his lips to God’s ears
Gave my dog a head of cabbage today. She ate the whole thing, but you know just the good part. My dog right now:
4-year-old Stone Hicks battling end-stage kidney disease gets his wish of becoming a police officer in Orlando, Florida. Stone has been battling kidney disease since he was a baby. His father even donated one of his kidneys to Stone 2 years ago. The Orlando Police…
@trainrekwatcher @OrdnancePackard @peterjholley @UTAustin Banana chips and hot sauce should be in your every day carry...
@OrdnancePackard @peterjholley @UTAustin Pocket peanut dust for the win!
@NYCMediaMonitor @OrdnancePackard @peterjholley @UTAustin Same, I except in the case of these idiots, I’m hoping for bean bag rounds to the balls
@SomeWelder @OrdnancePackard @peterjholley @UTAustin He will be ordering his wings extra mild for a while.
@OrdnancePackard @peterjholley @UTAustin I've been thinking of Kent State a lot lately.
@OrdnancePackard I’d forgotten the old sandbag to the groin gambit— classic!