This office life @Papercutjam
Some days think you're the only person in the office who isn't a complete arseblanket? We're here to help you through the day. Under the desk Joined March 2010-
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@Marco_Romo Hey. I lost the account. Turns out I left it at my aunt's place. Thanks for the nice words, sorry it took me nearly a year and half to reply. Who is Seth?
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I'm like a kid on a car journey: Is it 5 o'clock yet? No. Is it 5 o'clock yet? No. Is it 5 o'clock yet? No. Is it 5 o'clock yet? NO! #friday
Bait annoying recruiters with bogus tweets: "Where am I going to find 8 project managers over 5' 10" with red hair in two hours! Help!"
Oh no. @Papercutjam has started a website. Death of the landline: modernofficehandbook.com/no-i-have-no-i… via @Papercutjam #office #work #phone
New starter checklist: Email setup, done. Chair delivered, done. All male colleagues told to say they are called Susan, done. And relax.
Wearing a boxer's gum shield to a meeting might make you feel like the dogs, but if someone asks if you want a cappuccino, you're screwed.
Managers. Big meeting later? Some aerobic stretches and animal calls next to your desk will sharpen you up and unsettle competitors. #doit
Give a man a spreadsheet he'll work for a day, teach him to use Excel he'll work for a lifetime. #SpreadsheetingTheLove
First one in? Remember to email everyone in the office about how beautiful the sunrise is "this early in the morning". Now go back to sleep.
Last one in the office? Leave a large empty pizza box and 6 coffee cups on your desk and claim you pulled another all-nighter for the team.
An old broken computer next to a plate of bubble mixture makes an authentic interactive science exhibit at home and saves you £50! #weekend
Pretty sure the man next to me on the train said he "watches Netflix on his kettle". What next, SkyTv via an onion??? Despair.
Interview tips no.455: Arrive at least 10 mins early, prepare two questions to ask, half way through, bring out a cheese board. #interviews
At the next all staff meeting, tell your grad trainee to ask the CEO, "what do I do if a director makes me pregnant sir?" We need to know.
Always add "5. Dancing" to any meeting agenda. #
IT bloke is reading a book at his desk. No, its not a manual, like a real book book. You think you understand the world and then...
Bored on Friday? Email the IT helpdesk and tell them your mouse has rolled onto its back and can't turn over.
My boss is like January. Miserable, grey, sombre and always a light dusting of snow on higher parts. #office
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