Fake Patton Oswalt @PattonOswaltSux
I played a rat in a cartoon and in real life. Parody account. Hollywood Joined July 2012-
Tweets36
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Followers202
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Following137
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This isn't my vomit, so I'm not cleaning it up. I'll just wear the shirt inside out.
This cake would be much better if it was lubricated. Except for later when I eat it.
Been calling Pixar all day trying to convince them I could play a car. They weren't convinced I was big enough to drive one.
Can someone update my Wikipedia page? I want my occupation changed to "Twitter account."
Trust me, the new Ghostbusters is gonna be great. I am the body model for Slimer.
You can't criticize a movie without watching it. Period. You also can't criticize a presidential candidate until they've served two terms.
@_Mike_JB @pattonoswalt movie star? You must be confusing me with Kevin James.
Why I unfollowed Patton Oswalt-and you should too on.digg.com/1fYCK0D via @digg
RT“@pattonoswalt: Looks like there's just over 100 seats left for my show in Chicago. Good luck, guys” Sadly, six of those are his lap.
"Remember that scene in Big Fan where I- What? You never saw it?" Me, talking to family, friends, my agent and costars from Big Fan.
I can fart the alphabet. In French. It's the only prep I did for Ratatouille.
Justice Scalia is so ugly I could play him in the movie. If the part was a cartoon rat. I don't have lots of range, but I play "ugly" well.
Shooting a porn today where I fuck 30 African-American dudes. It'll be called "Zero vs. Dark Thirty".
Is I possible to break a chair JUST by farting on it? I need to find out before I sit down.
Performing at The Chuckle Hut today. I'll also be sharting at The Chuckle Hut. Possibly giving the owner a blumpkin at The Chuckle Hut, too.
I just sat at a stop sign waiting for it to change. I gotta stop drinking in the morning.
Sarah Silverman is like a less attractive Ruth Buzzi.
Look homeless dude: if you didn't want me to mouth kiss ya, don't eat so much peanut butter.
Slowly morphing into Michael Moore. Stage 4 complete.
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@king_of_bob @pattonoswalt he didn't say it sucked. He said he wasn't going to see it.
@wrathofhearts He posts reviews of movies from franchises he likes like Godzilla, but he doesn't carry himself as a film critic.
@wrathofhearts Well he's not a film critic. He's a big fan of the franchise and fans of his were probably curious what his take was.
@pattonoswalt @bossjacko @cinemassacre Not so pre-emptive when the trailer comes with a Scary Movie-worth parody of The Exorcist.
@pattonoswalt and attacking a dude for not wanting to review a film, thus enabling your fans to follow suit isn't gross? Come on, man.
@pattonoswalt @cinemassacre Is he judging prematurely? Perhaps. Is he morally or ethically wrong for espousing his opinion? I don't think so
@STSPhonoCo @pattonoswalt @cinemassacre Curious. No one ever gets all that upset about a remake being slammed. But now...
@pattonoswalt Are you actually suggesting that you've never watched a bad trailer and on that basis decided to skip the movie?
@murphy_jacobs @pattonoswalt You mean the shit he started in the first place about a reasonable video he had no reason to bitch about? Sure.
#CUPodcast true @pattonoswalt & @DaneCook & many others should apologize to @cinemassacre youtu.be/-rf7JXsG-CI
Patton Oswalt decoded to be an asshole today and apparently anyone who thought it wasn't funny didn't get it.
Eating lunch at Target if you were wondering how my day is going.
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