The Real Comedy Dan @RealComedyDan
Do you see any barriers here? No? That's because my jokes broke them down. United States Joined August 2017-
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people ask me if i’m a club comic or an alt-comic. these labels are meaningless to me. i am a REAL comic!! (who’s not allowed to perform in most club or alt venues)
netflix still hasn’t offered me a comedy special so i guess i’ll have to settle for doing it the boring way, on hbo
comedy is more important than anything else, yesterday i told three jokes to people in an overturned car before the police made me leave
gonna start a podcast where i have guests interview me because i need to keep it interesting
i can’t be cloned because it’s metaphysically impossible to have two people who are both “the best” at comedy
yes, i’m an amazing stand-up comedian, but i’m also a stand-up thought creator. i make the audience think - that’s why you never hear them laughing at my shows
i just got in trouble for bringing truth bombs on an airplane anyway what’s the deal with these peanuts lol
i absolutely destroyed a heckler last night, that’s what you get for making fun of me, grandma
Trump should be less worried about North Korea’s nuclear bombs and more worried about my truth bombs
my therapist keeps telling me i’m a narcissist, i swear it’s like she’s jealous of my success or something
i’m working on a new bit where i completely revolutionize comedy as we know it
people keep telling me to support net neutrality but i’m sorry the nets are terrible
i walked an entire audience last night, suits me just fine i can still drop truth bombs on the bartender
you can go ahead and steal my jokes if you want but people are gonna know those jokes sound way too handsome to have been written by you
that audience yesterday couldn’t handle my edgy comedy and i got banned from the venue, apparently political correctness has overtaken Mrs. O’Leary’s kindergarten class
today when we go around the table and say one thing we’re thankful for i fully expect everyone else’s thing to be my amazing sense of humor. #HappyThanksgiving2017
i don’t need to use 280 characters as a crutch for bad comedy writing, comedic genius like this only requires 275 characters, thank you very much
lots of people have told me i should “quit comedy” because i’m “not funny” and i “make funerals awkward” but i’ll never let the haters win
i never claimed to be the best comedian in the world, what i said was “best comedian in the galaxy”
me: *coming out of the bathroom* other comedian: dude where have you been me: DROPPING TRUTH BOMBS
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