SpireHawk @SpireHawk

“...I perceive everything I say as absolutely true, and deficient in nothing whatever, and paint it all in my mind exactly as I want it to be. Kansas Joined June 2011

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

So all these ads for people running for various offices in Missouri are satire, right? Right?!?! These can’t be real human beings…..

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Ok, someone needs to find the person who picks the music for MTV Classics. Most of these videos came out after I graduated college, so clearly they haven’t been out long enough to be “classic”. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ll be having an existential crisis the rest of day.

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

Just moments ago my wife likened me to Bea Arthur. So that's something I have to come to terms with.

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

@sean_brimer I did learn that I’m the sort of doofus who, after hearing unexpected yelling and loud popping sounds stupidly comes out of his office to see what the commotion is about.

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

Dear employers, if you are going to offer up your place of business to local law enforcement who want to have 'active shooter' training, please inform all employees who might possibly be working late.

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

@flowergal98 @sean_brimer

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

Hey @sean_brimer , I'm having a bit of a crisis about my sure-to-be-upcoming midlife crisis. Should I go speedboat or ridiculous sports car? Also thinking about "just for men"-ing my beard, but going absurdly jet black with it. Your thoughts, considering you're almost there, too?

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

@sean_brimer Hells yes. What if we combine our efforts and start a motorcycle group? Go on weeks long ride with “the boys” on those touring bikes that have all the amenities? …shit, that started out as a joke, but I think I’m at the age where that’s actually sounding pretty good.

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

Despite my cynical and generally aloof nature, I genuinely try to remain positive and confident about where I’m going in life and goals I’ve set for myself. I gotta say, though, I’m starting to have serious doubts I’ll ever play in the NFL.

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

2 years ago

@sean_brimer

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

3 years ago

This will end well. bgr.com/science/bacter…

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

3 years ago

Does anybody know if Kelis is still offering classes on milkshakes, and if so what the current charge would be? Asking for a friend.

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

3 years ago

@sean_brimer @flowergal98

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

3 years ago

I think that of all things I'm terrible at in life (and there are a LOT), my inability to accurately estimate the amount of pasta I need to cook continually astounds me. I only ever cook for two people yet I've never made less than 54 servings of pasta for any dish.

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

3 years ago

@sean_brimer

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SpireHawk @SpireHawk

3 years ago

Interesting factoid about me: I, apparently, don’t know a single Usher song. Why yes, I *am* a middle aged white guy from the Midwest, why do you ask?