Scott Frank @StuffSimonSaid

I pointed at a bumper sticker that said “Jesus loves you” and Si said, “Well, at least someone does!” 🤣

While swimming at Waikiki: “Yeah, I don’t if I want to be an Olympian or not. ‘Cause I’ve been training y’know…with swimming.

After falling and scraping his knee at the park, the ten year old screaming through tears: “I always KNEW I would die young!!! I’m gonna bleed out!”

“Dad, if you had a tapeworm in you, then you’d have over 1,000 penises. Because tapeworms have a penis on every section of their body.”

While watching Kevin on top of the Twin Towers in Home Alone 2: “Those are the towers that were ran over by atheists!?” (I think I may have some history lessons to teach)

Simon: “Don’t worry Dad, we’re being gentle.” Scott: “Simon, ‘Deadly Duel’ does not sound gentle.”

Simon: “I don’t like being right, I just like YOU being wrong!”

At a not-so-good restaurant: “They trick you by treating you like royalty, but then their food makes you wanna puke!”

Si: “Dad, I wish there was a day when everything was free. ‘Cause I would go into the Lego store...and take Lego.”

Shauna: “Si, are you gonna stay in your bed all night tonight?” Si: “Not even gonna try. I’m having some of the best sleeps of my life in your bed.”

Shauna: “Si, how do you know to crawl into our bed when dad’s not in the there at night?” Si: “To be honest, mom...I use my intuition.”

I just read this Tweet to Simon and his new, updated response is: “No, we float up.”

"How do we get to heaven? Does God have an airplane that comes down and flies us back up to heaven?"

“Why does God, the most powerful, kindest and generous thing in the universe, give us only one life?”

Shauna: “How big do you think a troll is?” Simon: “Oh, probably the size of a leprechaun.”

Simon: “Hey mom, did you see my picture posted on Facegram?”

@theTunnelBear 1 free GB of data

“Dad, anything you eat that has seeds is a fruit. So, that means that boys are a fruit too...’cause they have seeds. Hehe”

"Hey dad look! I'm walking forward into the future! Now I'm walking backwards into the old present."

"Mom, do you know what a dandelion tastes like? It tastes like coffee, but without the coffee."

"Dad! Has there ever been someone who hasn't peed while they went poop? Like, in history? Cause I do every time I poop."